How To Win Friends And Influence People

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6 - How To Spur People On To Success

Pete Barlow was an old friend of mine. He had a dog-and-pony act

and spent his life traveling with circuses and vaudeville shows. I

loved to watch Pete train new dogs for his act. I noticed that the

moment a dog showed the slightest improvement, Pete patted and

praised him and gave him meat and made a great to-do about it.

That's nothing new. Animal trainers have been using that same

technique for centuries.

Why, I wonder, don't we use the same common sense when trying

to change people that we use when trying to change dogs? Why

don't we use meat instead of a whip? Why don't we use praise

instead of condemnation? Let us praise even the slightest

improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.

In his book I Ain't Much, Baby-But I'm All I Got, the psychologist Jess

Lair comments: "Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we

cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only

too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are

somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise."

(*)

----

Jess Lair, I Ain't Much, Baby - But I'm All I Got (Greenwich,

Conn.: Fawcett, 1976), p.248.

----

I can look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise

have sharply changed my entire future. Can't you say the same thing

about your life? History is replete with striking illustrations of the

sheer witchery raise.

For example, many years ago a boy of ten was working in a factory

in Naples, He longed to be a singer, but his first teacher discouraged

him. "You can't sing," he said. "You haven't any voice at all. It

sounds like the wind in the shutters."

But his mother, a poor peasant woman, put her arms about him and

praised him and told him she knew he could sing, she could already

see an improvement, and she went barefoot in order to save money

to pay for his music lessons. That peasant mother's praise and

encouragement changed that boy's life. His name was Enrico Caruso,

and he became the greatest and most famous opera singer of his

age.

In the early nineteenth century, a young man in London aspired to

be a writer. But everything seemed to be against him. He had never

been able to attend school more than four years. His father had been

flung in jail because he couldn't pay his debts, and this young man

often knew the pangs of hunger. Finally, he got a job pasting labels

on bottles of blacking in a rat-infested warehouse, and he slept at

night in a dismal attic room with two other boys - guttersnipes from

the slums of London. He had so little confidence in his ability to write

that he sneaked out and mailed his first manuscript in the dead of

night so nobody would laugh at him. Story after story was refused.

Finally the great day came when one was accepted. True, he wasn't

paid a shilling for it, but one editor had praised him. One editor had

given him recognition. He was so thrilled that he wandered aimlessly

around the streets with tears rolling down his cheeks.

The praise, the recognition, that he received through getting one

story in print, changed his whole life, for if it hadn't been for that

encouragement, he might have spent his entire life working in ratinfested factories. You may have heard of that boy. His name was

Charles Dickens.

Another boy in London made his living as a clerk in a dry-goods

store. He had to get up at five o'clock, sweep out the store, and

slave for fourteen hours a day. It was sheer drudgery and he

despised it. After two years, he could stand it no longer, so he got up

one morning and, without waiting for breakfast, tramped fifteen

miles to talk to his mother, who was working as a housekeeper.

He was frantic. He pleaded with her. He wept. He swore he would

kill himself if he had to remain in the shop any longer. Then he wrote

a long, pathetic letter to his old schoolmaster, declaring that he was

heartbroken, that he no longer wanted to live. His old schoolmaster

gave him a little praise and assured him that he really was very

intelligent and fitted for finer things and offered him a job as a

teacher.

That praise changed the future of that boy and made a lasting

impression on the history of English literature. For that boy went on

to write innumerable best-selling books and made over a million

dollars with his pen. You've probably heard of him. His name: H. G.

Wells.

Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of B.F.

Skinner's teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown

by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is

minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be

reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.

John Ringelspaugh of Rocky Mount, North Carolina, used this in

dealing with his children. It seemed that, as in so many families,

mother and dad's chief form of communication with the children was

yelling at them. And, as in so many cases, the children became a

little worse rather than better after each such session - and so did

the parents. There seemed to be no end in sight for this problem.

Mr. Ringelspaugh determined to use some of the principles he was

learning in our course to solve this situation. He reported: "We

decided to try praise instead of harping on their faults. It wasn't easy

when all we could see were the negative things they were doing; it

was really tough to find things to praise. We managed to find

something, and within the first day or two some of the really

upsetting things they were doing quit happening. Then some of their

other faults began to disappear. They began capitalizing on the

praise we were giving them. They even began going out of their way

to do things right. Neither of us could believe it. Of course, it didn't

last forever, but the norm reached after things leveled off was so

much better. It was no longer necessary to react the way we used

to. The children were doing far more right things than wrong ones."

All of this was a result of praising the slightest improvement in the

children rather than condemning everything they did wrong.

This works on the job too. Keith Roper of Woodland Hills, California,

applied this principle to a situation in his company. Some material

came to him in his print shop which was of exceptionally high

quality. The printer who had done this job was a new employee who

had been having difficulty adjusting to the job. His supervisor was

upset about what he considered a negative attitude and was

seriously thinking of terminating his services.

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When Mr. Roper was informed of this situation, he personally went

over to the print shop and had a talk with the young man. He told

him how pleased he was with the work he had just received and

pointed out it was the best work he had seen produced in that shop

for some time. He pointed out exactly why it was superior and how

important the young man's contribution was to the company,

Do you think this affected that young printer's attitude toward the

company? Within days there was a complete turnabout. He told

several of his co-workers about the conversation and how someone

in the company really appreciated good work. And from that day on,

he was a loyal and dedicated worker.

What Mr. Roper did was not just flatter the young printer and say

"You're good." He specifically pointed out how his work was superior.

Because he had singled out a specific accomplishment, rather than

just making general flattering remarks, his praise became much

more meaningful to the person to whom it was given. Everybody

likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as

sincere - not something the other person may be saying just to make

one feel good.

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do

almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody

wants flattery.

Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will work only when

they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am

talking about a new way of life.

Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with

whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures

they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can

literally transform them.

Exaggeration? Then listen to these sage words from William James,

one of the most distinguished psychologists and philosophers

America has ever produced:

Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We

are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental

resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives

far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he

habitually fails to use.

Yes, you who are reading these lines possess powers of various sorts

which you habitually fail to use; and one of these powers you are

probably not using to the fullest extent is your magic ability to praise

people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities.

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

To become a more effective leader of people, apply ...

• Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every

improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your

praise."

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7 - Give A Dog A Good Name

What do you do when a person who has been a good worker begins

to turn in shoddy work? You can fire him or her, but that really

doesn't solve anything. You can berate the worker, but this usually

causes resentment. Henry Henke, a service manager for a large

truck dealership in Lowell, Indiana, had a mechanic whose work had

become less than satisfactory. Instead of bawling him out or

threatening him, Mr. Henke called him into his office and had a

heart-to-heart talk with him.

"Bill," he said, "you are a fine mechanic. You have been in this line of

work for a good number of years. You have repaired many vehicles

to the customers' satisfaction. In fact, we've had a number of

compliments about the good work you have done. Yet, of late, the

time you take to complete each job has been increasing and your

work has not been up to your own old standards. Because you have

been such an outstanding mechanic in the past, I felt sure you would

want to know that I am not happy with this situation, and perhaps

jointly we could find some way to correct the problem."

Bill responded that he hadn't realized he had been falling down in his

duties and assured his boss that the work he was getting was not

out of his range of expertise and he would try to improve in the

future.

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Did he do it? You can be sure he did. He once again became a fast

and thorough mechanic. With that reputation Mr. Henke had given

him to live up to, how could he do anything else but turn out work

comparable to that which he had done in the past.

"The average person," said Samuel Vauclain, then president of the

Baldwin Locomotive Works, "can be led readily if you have his or her

respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind

of ability."

In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain spect, act as

though that particular trait were already one of his or her

outstanding characteristics. Shakespeare said "Assume a virtue, if

you have it not." And it might be well to assume and state openly

that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give

them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious

efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

Georgette Leblanc, in her book Souvenirs, My Life with Maeterlinck,

describes the startling transformation of a humble Belgian Cinderella.

"A servant girl from a neighboring hotel brought my meals," she

wrote. "She was called 'Marie the Dish washer' because she had

started her career as a scullery assistant. She was a kind of monster,

cross-eyed, bandylegged, poor in flesh and spirit.

"One day, while she was holding my plate of macaroni in her red

hand, I said to her point-blank, 'Marie, you do not know what

treasures are within you.'

"Accustomed to holding back her emotion, Marie waited a few

moments, not daring to risk the slightest gesture for fear of a

castastrophe. Then she put the dish on the table, sighed and said

ingenuously, 'Madame, I would never have believed it.' She did not

doubt, she did not ask a question. She simply went back to the

kitchen and repeated what I had said, and such is the force of faith

that no one made fun of her. From that day on, she was even given

a certain consideration. But the most curious change of all occurred

in the humble Marie herself. Believing she was the tabernacle of

unseen marvels, she began taking care of her face and body so

carefully that her starved youth seemed to bloom and modestly hide

her plainness.

"Two months later, she announced her coming marriage with the

nephew of the chef. 'I'm going to be a lady,' she said, and thanked

me. A small phrase had changed her entire life."

Georgette Leblanc had given "Marie the Dishwasher" a reputation to

live up to - and that reputation had transformed her.

Bill Parker, a sales representative for a food company in Daytona

Beach, Florida, was very excited about the new line of products his

company was introducing and was upset when the manager of a

large independent food market turned down the opportunity to carry

it in his store. Bill brooded all day over this rejection and decided to

return to the store before he went home that evening and try again.

"Jack," he said, "since I left this morning I realized I hadn't given you

the entire picture of our new line, and I would appreciate some of

your time to tell you about the points I omitted. I have respected the

fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to

change your mind when the facts warrant a change."

Could Jack refuse to give him another hearing? Not with that

reputation to live up to.

One morning Dr. Martin Fitzhugh, a dentist in Dublin, Ireland, was

shocked when one of his patients pointed out to him that the metal

cup holder which she was using to rinse her mouth was not very

clean. True, the patient drank from the paper cup, not the holder,

but it certainly was not professional to use tarnished equipment.

When the patient left, Dr. Fitzhugh retreated to his private office to

write a note to Bridgit, the charwoman, who came twice a week to

clean his office. He wrote:

My dear Bridgit,

I see you so seldom, I thought I'd take the time to thank you for the

fine job of cleaning you've been doing. By the way, I thought I'd

mention that since two hours, twice a week, is a very limited amount

of time, please feel free to work an extra half hour from time to time

if you feel you need to do those "once-in-a-while" things like

polishing the cup holders and the like. I, of course, will pay you for

the extra time.

"The next day, when I walked into my office," Dr. Fitzhugh reported,

"My desk had been polished to a mirror-like finish, as had my chair,

which I nearly slid out of. When I went into the treatment room I

found the shiniest, cleanest chrome-plated cup holder I had ever

seen nestled in its receptacle. I had given my char-woman a fine

reputation to live up to, and because of this small gesture she

outperformed all her past efforts. How much additional time did she

spend on this? That's right-none at all ."

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There is an old saying: "Give a dog a bad name and you may as well

hang him." But give him a good name - and see what happens!

When Mrs. Ruth Hopkins, a fourth-grade teacher in Brooklyn, New

York, looked at her class roster the first day of school, her

excitement and joy of starting a new term was tinged with anxiety.

In her class this year she would have Tommy T., the school's most

notorious "bad boy." His third-grade teacher had constantly

complained about Tommy to colleagues, the principal and anyone

else who would listen. He was not just mischievous; he caused

serious discipline problems in the class, picked fights with the boys,

teased the girls, was fresh to the teacher, and seemed to get worse

as he grew older. His only redeeming feature was his ability to learn

rapidly and master the-school work easily.

Mrs. Hopkins decided to face the "Tommy problem" immediately.

When she greeted her new students, she made little comments to

each of them: "Rose, that's a pretty dress you are wearing," "Alicia, I

hear you draw beautifully." When she came to Tommy, she looked

him straight in the eyes and said, "Tommy, I understand you are a

natural leader. I'm going to depend on you to help me make this

class the best class in the fourth grade this year." She reinforced this

over the first few days by complimenting Tommy on everything he

did and commenting on how this showed what a good student he

was. With that reputation to live up to, even a nine-year-old couldn't

let her down - and he didn't.

If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the

attitude or behavior of others, use ...

• Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

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8 - Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

A bachelor friend of mine, about forty years old, became engaged,

and his fiancйe persuaded him to take some belated dancing lessons.

"The Lord knows I needed dancing lessons," he confessed as he told

me the story, "for I danced just as I did when I first started twenty

years ago. The first teacher I engaged probably told me the truth.

She said I was all wrong; I would just have to forget everything and

begin all over again. But that took the heart out of me. I had no

incentive to go on. So I quit her.

"The next teacher may have been lying, but I liked it. She said

nonchalantly that my dancing was a bit old-fashioned perhaps, but

the fundamentals were all right, and she assured me I wouldn't have

any trouble learning a few new steps. The first teacher had

discouraged me by emphasizing my mistakes. This new teacher did

the opposite. She kept praising the things I did right and minimizing

my errors. 'You have a natural sense of rhythm,' she assured me.

'You really are a natural-born dancer.' Now my common sense tells

me that I always have been and always will be a fourth-rate dancer;

yet, deep in my heart, I still like to think that maybe she meant it. To

be sure, I was paying her to say it; but why bring that up?

"At any rate, I know I am a better dancer than I would have been if

she hadn't told me I had a natural sense of rhythm. That encouraged

me. That gave me hope. That made me want to improve."

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is

stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all

wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to

improve. But use the opposite technique - be liberal with your

encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other

person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an

undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in

the window in order to excel.

Lowell Thomas, a superb artist in human relations, used this

technique, He gave you confidence, inspired you with courage and

faith. For example, I spent a weekend with Mr. and Mrs. Thomas;

and on Saturday night, I was asked to sit in on a friendly bridge

game before a roaring fire. Bridge? Oh, no! No! No! Not me. I knew

nothing about it. The game had always been a black mystery to me,

No! No! Impossible!

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"Why, Dale, it is no trick at all," Lowell replied. "There is nothing to

bridge except memory and judgment. You've written articles on

memory. Bridge will be a cinch for you. It's right up your alley."

And presto, almost before I realized what I was doing, I found

myself for the first time at a bridge table. All because I was told I

had a natural flair for it and the game was made to seem easy.

Speaking of bridge reminds me of Ely Culbertson, whose books on

bridge have been translated into a dozen languages and have sold

more than a million copies. Yet he told me he never would have

made a profession out of the game if a certain young woman hadn't

assured him he had a flair for it.

When he came to America in 1922, he tried to get a job teaching in

philosophy and sociology, but he couldn't. Then he tried selling coal,

and he failed at that

Then he tried selling coffee, and he failed at that, too.

He had played some bridge, but it had never occurred to him in

those days that someday he would teach it. He was not only a poor

card player, but he was also very stubborn. He asked so many

questions and held so many post-mortem examinations that no one

wanted to play with him.

Then he met a pretty bridge teacher, Josephine Dillon, fell in love

and married her. She noticed how carefully he analyzed his cards

and persuaded him that he was a potential genius at the card table.

It was that encouragement and that alone, Culbertson told me, that

caused him to make a profession of bridge.

Clarence M. Jones, one of the instructors of our course in Cincinnati,

Ohio, told how encouragement and making faults seem easy to

correct completely changed the life of his son.

"In 1970 my son David, who was then fifteen years old, came to live

with me in Cincinnati. He had led a rough life. In 1958 his head was

cut open in a car accident, leaving a very bad scar on his forehead.

In 1960 his mother and I were divorced and he moved to Dallas,

Texas, with his mother. Until he was fifteen he had spent most of his

school years in special classes for slow learners in the Dallas school

system. Possibly because of the scar, school administrators had

decided he was brain-injured and could not function at a normal

level. He was two years behind his age group, so he was only in the

seventh grade. Yet he did not know his multiplication tables, added

on his fingers and could barely read.

"There was one positive point. He loved to work on radio and TV

sets. He wanted to become a TV technician. I encouraged this and

pointed out that he needed math to qualify for the training. I decided

to help him become proficient in this subject. We obtained four sets

of flash cards: multiplication, division, addition and subtraction. As

we went through the cards, we put the correct answers in a discard

stack. When David missed one, I gave him the correct answer and

then put the card in the repeat stack until there were no cards left. I

made a big deal out of each card he got right, particularly if he had

missed it previously. Each night we would go through the repeat

stack until there were no cards left.

Each night we timed the exercise with a stop watch. I promised him

that when he could get all the cards correct in eight minutes with no

incorrect answers, we would quit doing it every night. This seemed

an impossible goal to David. The first night it took 52 minutes, the

second night, 48, then 45, 44, 41 then under 40 minutes. We

celebrated each reduction. I'd call in my wife, and we would both

hug him and we'd all dance a jig. At the end of the month he was

doing all the cards perfectly in less than eight minutes. When he

made a small improvement he would ask to do it again. He had

made the fantastic discovery that learning was easy and fun.

"Naturally his grades in algebra took a jump. It is amazing how much

easier algebra is when you can multiply. He astonished himself by

bringing home a B in math. That had never happened before. Other

changes came with almost unbelievable rapidity. His reading

improved rapidly, and he began to use his natural talents in drawing.

Later in the school year his science teacher assigned him to develop

an exhibit. He chose to develop a highly complex series of models to

demonstrate the effect of levers. It required skill not only in drawing

and model making but in applied mathematics. The exhibit took first

prize in his school's science fair and was entered in the city

competition and won third prize for the entire city of Cincinnati.

"That did it. Here was a kid who had flunked two grades, who had

been told he was 'brain-damaged,' who had been called

'Frankenstein' by his classmates and told his brains must have leaked

out of the cut on his head. Suddenly he discovered he could really

learn and accomplish things. The result? From the last quarter of the

eighth grade all the way through high school, he never failed to

make the honor roll; in high school he was elected to the national

honor society. Once he found learning was easy, his whole life

changed."

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Gunter Schmidt, who took our course in West Germany, told of an

employee in the food store he managed who was negligent about

putting the proper price tags on the shelves where the items were

displayed. This caused confusion and customer complaints.

Reminders, admonitions, confrontations, with her about this did not

do much good. Finally, Mr. Schmidt called her into his office and told

her he was appointing her Supervisor of Price Tag Posting for the

entire store and she would be responsible for keeping all of the

shelves properly tagged. This new responsibility and title changed

her attitude completely, and she fulfiled her duties satisfactorily from

then on.

Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleon when he

created the Legion of Honor and distributed 15,000 crosses to his

soldiers and made eighteen of his generals "Marshals of France" and

called his troops the "Grand Army." Napoleon was criticized for giving

"toys" to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon replied, "Men are

ruled by toys."

This technique of giving titles and authority worked for Napoleon and

it will work for you. For example, a friend of mine, Mrs. Ernest Gent

of Scarsdale, New York, was troubled by boys running across and

destroying her lawn. She tried criticism. She tried coaxing. Neither

worked. Then she tried giving the worst sinner in the gang a title and

a feeling of authority. She made him her "detective" and put him in

charge of keeping all trespassers off her lawn. That solved her

problem. Her "detective" built a bonfire in the backyard, heated an

iron red hot, and threatened to brand any boy who stepped on the

lawn.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind

when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:

• 1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver.

Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits

to the other person.

• 2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.

• 3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really

wants.

• 4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what

you suggest.

• 5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.

• 6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to

the other person the idea that he personally will benefit. We could

give a curt order like this: " John, we have customers coming in

tomorrow and I need the stockroom cleaned out. So sweep it out,

put the stock in neat piles on the shelves and polish the counter." Or

we could express the same idea by showing John the benefits he will

get from doing the task: "John, we have a job that should be

completed right away. If it is done now, we won't be faced with it

later. I am bringing some customers in tomorrow to show our

facilities. I would like to show them the stockroom, but it is in poor

shape. If you could sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles on the

shelves, and polish the counter, it would make us look efficient and

you will have done your part to provide a good company image."

Will John be happy about doing what you suggest? Probably not very

happy, but happier than if you had not pointed out the benefits.

Assuming you know that John has pride in the way his stockroom

looks and is interested in contributing to the company image, he will

be more likely to be cooperative. It also will have been pointed out

to John that the job would have to be done eventually and by doing

it now, he won't be faced with it later.

It is naпve to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from

other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of

most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this

way than by not using these principles - and if you increase your

successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10 percent

more effective as a leader than you were before - and that is your

benefit.

People are more likely to do what you would like them to do when

you use ...

• Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing

you suggest.

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In A Nutshell Be A Leader

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and

behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

• Principle 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

• Principle 2 - Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

• Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the

other person.

• Principle 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

• Principle 5 - Let the other person save face.

• Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every

improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your

praise."

• Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

• Principle 8 - Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to

correct.

• Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing

you suggest.

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Part 5 - Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

I'll Bet I know what you are thinking now. You are probably saying to

yourself something like this: " 'Letters that produced miraculous

results!' Absurd! Smacks of patent-medicine advertising!"

It you are thinking that, I don't blame you. I would probably have

thought that myself if I had picked up a book like this fifteen years

ago. Sceptical? Well, I like sceptical people. I spent the first twenty

years of my life in Missouri—and I like people who have to be shown.

Almost all the progress ever made in human thought has been made

by the Doubting Thomases, the questioners, the challengers, the

show-me crowd.

Let's be honest. Is the title, "Letters That Produced Miraculous

Results," accurate? No, to be frank with you, it isn't. The truth is, it is

a deliberate understatement of fact. Some of the letters reproduced

in this chapter harvested results that were rated twice as good as

miracles. Rated by whom? By Ken R. Dyke, one of the best-known

sales promotion men in America, formerly sales promotion manager

for Johns-Manville, and now advertising manager for Colgate-

Palmolive Peet Company and Chairman of the Board of the

Association of National Advertisers.

Mr Dykes says that letters he used to send out, asking for

information from dealers, seldom brought more than a return of 5 to

8 per cent. He said he would have regarded a 15 per cent response

as most extraordinary, and told me that, if his replies had ever

soared to 20 per cent, he would have regarded it as nothing short of

a miracle.

But one of Mr Dyke's letters, printed in this chapter, brought 42 1/2

per cent; in other words, that letter was twice as good as a miracle.

You can't laugh that off. And this letter wasn't a sport, a fluke, an

accident. Similar results were obtained from scores of other letters.

How did he do it? Here is the explanation in Ken Dyke's own words:

"This astonishing increase in the effectiveness of letters occurred

immediately after I attended Mr Carnegie's course in 'Effective

Speaking and Human Relations.' I saw that the approach I had

formerly used was all wrong. I tried to apply the principles taught in

this book—and they resulted in an increase of from 500 to 800 per

cent in the effectiveness of my letters asking for information."

Here is the letter. It pleases the other man by asking him to do the

writer a small favour—a favour that makes him feel important. My

own comments on the letter appear in parentheses. Mr John Blank,

Blankville, Indiana. Dear Mr Blank:

I wonder if you would mind helping me out of a little difficulty?

(Let's get the picture clear. Imagine a lumber dealer in Indiana

receiving a letter from an executive of the Johns-Manville Company;

and in the first line of the letter, this high-priced executive in New

York asks the other fellow to help him out of a difficulty. I can

imagine the dealer in Indiana saying to himself something like this:

"Well, if this chap in New York is in trouble, he has certainly come to

the right person. I always try to be generous and help people. Let's

see what's wrong with him!")

Last year, I succeeded in convincing our company that what our

dealers needed most to help increase their re-roofing sales was a

year 'round direct-mail campaign paid for entirely by Johns-Manville.

(The dealer out in Indiana probably says, "Naturally, they ought to

pay for it. They're hogging most of the profit as it is. They're making

millions while I'm having hard scratchin' to pay the rent. ... Now

what is this fellow in trouble about?")

Recently I mailed a questionnaire to the 1,600 dealers who had used

the plan and certainly was very much pleased with the hundreds of

replies which showed that they appreciated this form of co-operation

and found it most helpful.

On the strength of this, we have just released our new direct-mail

plan which I know you'll like still better.

But this morning our president discussed with me my report of last

year's plan and, as presidents will, asked me how much business I

could trace to it. Naturally, I must come to you to help me answer

him.

(That's a good phrase: "I must come to you to help me answer him."

The big shot in New York is telling the truth, and he is giving the

Johns-Manville dealer in Indiana honest, sincere recognition. Note

that Ken Dyke doesn't waste any time talking about how important

his company is. Instead, he immediately shows the other fellow how

much he has to lean on him. Ken Dyke admits that he can't even

make a report to the president of Johns-Manville without the dealer's

help. Naturally, the dealer out in Indiana, being human, likes that

kind of talk.)

What I'd like you to do is (1) to tell me, on the enclosed postcard,

how many roofing and re-roofing jobs you feel last year's direct-mail

plan helped you secure, and (2) give me, as nearly as you can, their

total estimated value in dollars and cents (based on the total cost of

the jobs applied).

If you'll do this, I'll surely appreciate it and thank you for your

kindness in giving me this information.

帅哥

fficeffice" /> 

Sincerely, KEN R. DYKE, Sales Promotion Manager

(Note how, in the last paragraph, he whispers "I" and shouts "You."

Note how generous he is in his praise: "Surely appreciate," "thank

you," "your kindness.")

Simple letter, isn't it? But it produced "miracles" by asking the other

person to do a small favour—the performing of which gave him a

feeling of importance.

That psychology will work, regardless of whether you are selling

asbestos roofs or touring Europe in a Ford.

To illustrate. Homer Croy and I once lost our way while motoring

through the interior of France. Halting our old Model T, we asked a

group of peasants how we could get to the next big town.

The effect of the question was electrical. These peasants, wearing

wooden shoes, regarded all Americans as rich. And automobiles were

rare in those regions, extremely rare. Americans touring through

France in a car! Surely we must be millionaires. Maybe cousins of

Henry Ford. But they knew something we didn't know. We had more

money than they had; but we had to come to them hat in hand to

find out how to get to the next town. And that gave them a feeling

of importance. They all started talking at once. One chap, thrilled at

this rare opportunity, commanded the others to keep quiet. He

wanted to enjoy all alone the thrill of directing us.

Try this yourself. The next time you are in a strange city, stop

someone who is below you in the economic and social scale and say:

"I wonder if you would mind helping me out of a little difficulty.

Won't you please tell me how to get to such and such a place?"

Benjamin Franklin used this technique to turn a caustic enemy into a

lifelong friend. Franklin, a young man at the time, had all his savings

invested in a small printing business. He managed to get himself

elected clerk of the General Assembly in Philadelphia. That position

gave him the job of doing the official printing. There was good profit

in this job, and Ben was eager to keep it. But a menace loomed

ahead. One of the richest and ablest men in the Assembly disliked

Franklin bitterly. He not only disliked Franklin, but he denounced him

in a public talk.

That was dangerous, very dangerous. So Franklin resolved to make

the man like him. But how? That was a problem. By doing a favour

for his enemy? No, that would have aroused his suspicions, maybe

his contempt. Franklin was too wise, too adroit to be caught in such

a trap. So he did the very opposite. He asked his enemy to do him a

favour.

Franklin didn't ask for a loan of ten dollars. No! No! Franklin asked a

favour that pleased the other man—a favour that touched his vanity,

a favour that gave him recognition, a favour that subtly expressed

Franklin's admiration for his knowledge and achievements. Here is

the balance of the story in Franklin's own words:

Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and

curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of

perusing that book and requesting that he would do me the favour of

lending it to me for a few days.

He sent it immediately, and I returned it in about a week with

another note expressing strongly my sense of the favour.

When next we met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had

never done before) and with great civility and he ever afterward

manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we

became great friends and our friendship continued to his death.

Ben Franklin has been dead now for a hundred and fifty years, but

the psychology that he used, the psychology of asking the other man

to do you a favour, goes marching right on.

For example, it was used with remarkable success by one of my

students, Albert B. Amsel. For years, Mr Amsel, a salesman of

plumbing and heating materials, had been trying to get the trade of

a certain plumber in Brooklyn. This plumber's business was

exceptionally large and his credit unusually good. But Amsel was

licked from the beginning. The plumber was one of those

disconcerting individuals who pride themselves on being rough,

tough, and nasty. Sitting behind his desk with a big cigar tilted in the

corner of his mouth, he snarled at Amsel every time he opened the

door, "Don't need a thing today! Don't waste my time and yours!

Keep moving!"

Then one day Mr Amsel tried a new technique, a technique that split

the account wide open, made a friend, and brought many fine

orders. Amsel's firm was negotiating for the purchase of a new

branch store in Queens Village on Long Island. It was a

neighbourhood the plumber knew well, and one where he did a great

deal of business. So this time, when Mr Amsel called, he said: "Mr

C——, I'm not here to sell you anything today. I've got to ask you to

do me a favour, if you will. Can you spare me just a minute of your

time?"

"H'm—well," said the plumber, shifting his cigar. "What's on your

mind? Shoot."

"My firm is thinking of. opening up a branch store over in Queens

Village," Mr Amsel said. "Now, you know that locality as well as

anyone living. So I've come to you to ask what you think about it. Is

it a wise move—or not?"

Here was a new situation! For years this plumber had been getting

his feeling of importance out of snarling at salesmen and ordering

them to keep moving. But here was a salesman begging him for

advice; yes, a salesman from a big concern wanting his opinion as to

what they should do.

"Sit down," he said, pulling forward a chair. And for the next hour,

he expatiated on the peculiar advantages and virtues of the

plumbing market in Queens Village. He not only approved the

location of the store, but he focused his intellect on outlining a

complete course of action for the purchase of the property, the

stocking of supplies, and the opening of trade. He got a feeling of

importance by telling a wholesale plumbing concern how to run its

business. From there, he expanded into personal grounds. He

became friendly, and told Mr Amsel of his intimate domestic

difficulties and household wars.

帅哥

fficeffice" /> 

"By the time I left that evening," Mr Amsel says, "I not only had in

my pocket a large initial order for equipment, but I had laid the

foundations of a solid business friendship. I am playing golf now with

this chap who formerly barked and snarled at me. This change in his

attitude was brought about by my asking him to do me a little favour

that made him feel important."

Let's examine another of Ken Dyke's letters, and again note how

skilfully he applies this "do-me-a-favour" psychology.

A few years ago, Mr Dyke was distressed at his inability to get

business men, contractors, and architects to answer his letters

asking for information.

In those days, he seldom got more than 1 per cent return from his

letters to architects and engineers. He would have regarded 2 per

cent as very good, and 3 per cent as excellent. And 10 per cent?

Why, 10 per cent would have been hailed as a miracle. But the letter

that follows pulled almost 50 per cent. ... Five times as good as a

miracle. And what replies! Letters of two and three pages! Letters

glowing with friendly advice and co-operation.

Here is the letter. You will observe that in the psychology used—

even in the phraseology in some places—the letter is almost identical

with that quoted on pages 188-89. As you peruse this letter, read

between the lines, try to analyze the feeling of the man who got it.

Find out why it produced results five times as good as a miracle.

Johns-Manville

22 EAST 40th STREET

NEW YORK CITY

Mr John Doe,

617 Doe Street,

Doeville, N.J.

Dear Mr Doe:

I wonder if you'll help me out of a little difficulty?

About a year ago I persuaded our company that one of the things

architects most needed was a catalogue which would give them the

whole story of all J-M building materials and their part in repairing

and remodelling homes.

The attached catalogue resulted—the first of its kind. But now our

stock is getting low, and when I mentioned it to our president he

said (as presidents will) that he would have no objection to another

edition provided / furnished satisfactory evidence that the catalogue

had done the job for which it was designed.

Naturally, I must come to you for help, and 7 am therefore taking

the liberty of asking you and forty-nine other architects in various

parts of the country to be the jury.

To make it quite easy for you, I have written a few simple questions

on the back of this letter. And I'll certainly regard it as a personal

favour if you'll check the answers, add any comments that you may

wish to make, and then slip this letter into the enclosed stamped

envelope.

Needless to say, this won't obligate you in any way, and I now leave

it to you to say whether the catalogue shall be discontinued or

reprinted with improvements based on your experience and advice.

In any event, rest assured that I shall appreciate your co-operation

very much. Thank you!

Sincerely yours, KEN R. DYKE, Sales Promotion Manager.

Another word of warning. I know from experience that some men,

reading this letter, will try to use the same psychology mechanically.

They will try to boost the other man's ego, not through genuine, real

appreciation, but through flattery and insincerity. And their technique

won't work.

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do

almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody

wants flattery.

Let me repeat: the principles taught in this book will work only when

they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am

talking about a new way of life.

帅哥

fficeffice" /> 

-------------------------------

Part VI: Seven Rules for Making Your Home Life Happier

1 - How To Dig Your Marital Grave In The Quickest Possible Way

Seventy-Five years ago, Napoleon III of France, nephew of Napoleon

Bonaparte, fell in love with Marie Eugenic Ignace Augustine de

Montijo, Countess of Teba, the most beautiful woman in the world—

and married her. His advisors pointed out that she was only the

daughter of an insignificant Spanish count. But Napoleon retorted:

"What of it?" Her grace, her youth, her charm, her beauty filled him

with divine felicity. In a speech hurled from the throne, he defied an

entire nation: "I have preferred a woman I love and respect," he

proclaimed, "to a woman unknown to me."

Napoleon and his bride had health, wealth, power, fame, beauty,

love, adoration—all the requirements for a perfect romance. Never

did the sacred fire of marriage glow with a brighter incandescence.

But, alas, the holy flame soon flickered and the incandescence

cooled—and turned to embers. Napoleon could make Eugenic an

empress; but nothing in all la belle France, neither the power of his

love nor the might of his throne, could keep her from nagging.

Bedeviled by jealousy, devoured by suspicion, she flouted his orders,

she denied him even a show of privacy. She broke into his office

while he was engaged in affairs of state. She interrupted his most

important discussions. She refused to leave him alone, always

fearing that he might be consorting with another woman.

Often she ran to her sister, complaining of her husband,

complaining, weeping, nagging, and threatening. Forcing her way

into his study, she stormed at him and abused him. Napoleon,

master of a dozen sumptuous palaces, Emperor of France, could not

find a cupboard in which he could call his soul his own.

And what did Eugenic accomplish by all this? Here is the answer. I

am quoting now from E.A. Rheinhardt's engrossing book, Napoleon

and Eugenic: The Tragicomedy of an Empire: "So it came about that

Napoleon frequently would steal out by a little side door at night,

with a soft hat pulled over his eyes, and, accompanied by one of his

intimates, really betake himself to some fair lady who was expecting

him, or else stroll about the great city as of old, passing through

streets of the kind which an Emperor hardly sees outside a fairy tale,

and breathing the atmosphere of might-have-beens."

That is what nagging accomplished for Eugenic. True, she sat on the

throne of France. True, she was the most beautiful woman in the

world. But neither royalty nor beauty can keep love alive amidst the

poisonous fumes of nagging. Eugenic could have raised her voice like

Job of old and have wailed: "The thing which I greatly feared is

come upon me." Come upon her? She brought it upon herself, poor

woman, by her jealousy and her nagging. Of all the sure-fire, infernal

devices ever invented by all the devils in hell for destroying love,

nagging is the deadliest. It never fails. Like the bite of the king

cobra, it always destroys, always kills.

The wife of Count Leo Tolstoi discovered that—after it was too late.

Before she passed away, she confessed to her daughters: "I was the

cause of your father's death." Her daughters didn't reply. They were

both crying. They knew their mother was telling the truth. They

knew she had killed him with her constant complaining, her eternal

criticisms, and her eternal nagging. Yet Count Tolstoi and his wife

ought, by all odds, to have been happy. He was one of the most

famous novelists of all time. Two of his masterpieces, War and Peace

and Anna Karenina will forever shine brightly among the literary

glories of earth.

Tolstoi was so famous that his admirers followed him around day

and night and took down in shorthand every word he uttered. Even if

he merely said, "I guess I'll go to bed"; even trivial words like that,

everything was written down; and now the Russian Government is

printing every sentence that he ever wrote; and his combined

writings will fill one hundred volumes.

In addition to fame, Tolstoi and his wife had wealth, social position,

children. No marriage ever blossomed under softer skies. In the

beginning, their happiness seemed too perfect, too intense, to

endure. So kneeling together, they prayed to Almighty God to

continue the ecstasy that was theirs. Then an astonishing thing

happened. Tolstoi gradually changed. He became a totally different

person. He became ashamed of the great books that he had written,

and from that time on he devoted his life to writing pamphlets

preaching peace and the abolition of war and poverty.