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"Early in my experience as a minister I discovered that, in spite of
romance and good intentions, many couples who come to the
marriage altar are matrimonial illiterates." Matrimonial illiterates!
And he continues: "When you consider that we leave the highly
difficult adjustment of marriage so largely to chance, the marvel is
that our divorce rate is only 16 per cent. An appalling number of
husbands and wives are not really married but simply undivorced:
they live in a sort of purgatory."
"Happy marriages," says Dr Butterfield, "are rarely the product of
chance: they are architectural in that they are intelligently and
deliberately planned."
To assist in this planning, Dr Butterfield has for years insisted that
any couple he marries must discuss with him frankly their plans for
the future. And it was as a result of these discussions that he came
to the conclusion that so many of the high contracting parties were
"matrimonial illiterates."
"Sex," says Dr Butterfield, "is but one of the many satisfactions in
married life, but unless this relationship is right, nothing else can be
right."
But how to get it right? "Sentimental reticence"—I'm still quoting Dr
Butterfield—"must be replaced by an ability to discuss objectively
and with detachment attitudes and practices of married life. There is
no way in which this ability can be better acquired than through a
book of sound learning and good taste. I keep on hand several of
these books in addition to a supply of my own booklet, Marriage and
Sexual Harmony.
"Of all the books that are available, the three that seem to me most
satisfactory for general reading are: The Sex Technique in Marriage
by Isabel E. Hutton; The Sexual Side of Marriage by Max Exner; The
Sex Factor in Marriage by Helena Wright."
So,
• Rule 7 of "How to Make Your Home Life Happier" is: 'Read a good
book on the sexual side of marriage.
Learn about sex from books? Why not? A few years ago, Columbia
University, together with the American Social Hygiene Association,
invited leading educators to come and discuss the sex and marriage
problems of college students. At that conference, Dr Paul Popenoe
said: "Divorce is on the decrease. And one of the reasons it is on the
decrease is that people are reading more of the recognized books on
sex and marriage."
So I sincerely feel that I have no right to complete a chapter on
"How to Make Your Home Life Happier" without recommending a list
of books that deal frankly and in a scientific manner with this tragic
problem.
----
• The Sex Side Of Life, by Mary Ware Dennett. An explanation for
young people. Published by the author, 24-30 29th Street, Long
Island City, New York.
• The Sexual Side Of Marriage, by M.J. Exner, M.D. A sound and
temperate presentation of the sexual problems of marriage. W.W.
Norton & Co., Inc., 70 Fifth Avenue, New York City.
• Preparation For Marriage, by Kenneth Walker, M.D. A lucid
exposition of marital problems. W.W. Norton & Co., Inc., 70 Fifth
Avenue, New York City.
• Married Love, by Marie C. Slopes. A frank discussion of marital
relationships. G.P. Putman's Sons, 2 West 45th Street, New York
City.
• Sex In Marriage, by Ernest R. and Gladys H. Groves. An informative
and comprehensive book. Emerson Books, Inc., 251 West 19th
Street, New York City.
• Preparation For Marriage, by Ernest R. Groves. Emerson Books,
Inc., 251 West 19th Street, New York City.
• The Married Woman, by Robert A. Ross, M.D., and Gladys H.
Groves. A practical guide to happy marriage. Tower Books, World
Publishing Company, 14 West 49th Street, New York City.
----
In a Nutshell
Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier
• Rule 1: Don't nag.
• Rule 2: Don't try to make your partner over.
• Rule 3: Don't criticize.
• Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.
• Rule 5: Pay little attentions.
• Rule 6: Be courteous.
• Rule 7: Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.
In its issue for June, 1933, American Magazine printed an article by
Emmet Crozier, "Why Marriages Go Wrong." The following is a
questionnaire reprinted from that article. You may find it worth while
to answer these questions, giving yourself ten points for each
question you can answer in the affirmative.
For Husbands
1. Do you still "court" your wife with an occasional gift of flowers,
with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary, or with
some unexpected attention, some unlooked-for tenderness?
2. Are you careful never to criticize her before others?
3. Do you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses, above
the household expenses?
4. Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods
and help her through periods of fatigue, nerves, and irritability?
5. Do you share at least half of your recreation hours with your wife?
6. Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife's cooking or
housekeeping with that of your mother or of Bill Jones' wife, except
to her advantage?
7. Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life, her clubs and
societies, the books she reads, her views on civic problems?
8. Can you let her dance with and receive friendly attentions from
other men without making jealous remarks?
9. Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your
admiration for her?
10. Do you thank her for the little jobs she does for you, such as
sewing on a button, darning your socks, and sending your clothes to
the cleaners?
For Wives
1. Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business
affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his associates, his choice of
a secretary, or the hours he keeps?
2. Do you try your best to make your home interesting and attractive? |