Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started tofficeffice" />
work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million,
learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in
terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four
years; yet he learned how to handle people.
To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys.
They were at Yale, and they were so busy with their own affairs that
they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their
mother's frantic letters.
Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get
an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone called
his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually
in a post-script that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill.
He neglected, however, to enclose the money.
Back came replies by return mail thanking "Dear Uncle Andrew" for
his kind note and-you can finish the sentence yourself.
Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak of Cleveland,
Ohio, a participant in our course. Stan came home from work one
evening to find his youngest son, Tim, kicking and screaming on the
living room floor. He was to start kindergarten the next day and was
protesting that he would not go. Stan's normal reaction would have
been to banish the child to his room and tell him he'd just better
make up his mind to go. He had no choice. But tonight, recognizing
that this would not really help Tim start kindergarten in the best
frame of mind, Stan sat down and thought, "If I were Tim, why
would I be excited about going to kindergarten?" He and his wife
made a list of all the fun things Tim would do such as finger painting,
singing songs, making new friends. Then they put them into action.
"We all started finger-painting on the kitchen table-my wife, Lil, my
other son Bob, and myself, all having fun. Soon Tim was peeping
around the corner. Next he was begging to participate. 'Oh, no! You
have to go to kindergarten first to learn how to finger-paint.' With all
the enthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in
terms he could understand-telling him all the fun he would have in
kindergarten. The next morning, I thought I was the first one up. I
went downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the living
room chair. 'What are you doing here?' I asked. 'I'm waiting to go to
kindergarten. I don't want to be late.' The enthusiasm of our entire
family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount of
discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished."
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something.
Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "How can I make this
person want to do it?"
That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly,
with futile chatter about our desires.
At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certain New York hotel
for twenty nights in each season in order to hold a series of lectures.
At the beginning of one season, I was suddenly informed that I
should have to pay almost three times as much rent as formerly.
This news reached me after the tickets had been printed and
distributed and all announcements had been made.
Naturally, I didn't want to pay the increase, but what was the use of
talking to the hotel about what I wanted? They were interested only
in what they wanted. So a couple of days later I went to see the
manager.
"I was a bit shocked when I got your letter," I said, "but I don't
blame you at all. If I had been in your position, I should probably
have written a similar letter myself. Your duty as the manager of the
hotel is to make all the profit possible. If you don't do that, you will
be fired and you ought to be fired. Now, let's take a piece of paper
and write down the advantages and the disadvantages that will
accrue to you, if you insist on this increase in rent."
Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through the center and
headed one column "Advantages" and the other column
"Disadvantages."
I wrote down under the head "Advantages" these words: "Ballroom
free." Then I went on to say: "You will have the advantage of having
the ballroom free to rent for dances and conventions. That is a big
advantage, for affairs like that will pay you much more than you can
get for a series of lectures. If I tie your ballroom up for twenty nights
during the course of the season, it is sure to mean a loss of some
very profitable business to you. |