How To Win Friends And Influence People - 第14页 - 英语 English - 航空论坛_航空翻译_民航英语翻译_飞行翻译

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:13:48

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:14:13

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:14:30

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:14:49

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That's important enough to repeat: "The first thing to learn in<o:p></o:p>
intercourse with others is noninterference with their own peculiar<o:p></o:p>
ways of being happy ..."<o:p></o:p>
Or, as Leland Foster Wood in his book, Growing Together in the<o:p></o:p>
Family, has observed: "Success in marriage is much more than a<o:p></o:p>
matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the<o:p></o:p>
right person."<o:p></o:p>
So, if you want your home life to be happy,<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 2 is: Don't try to make your partner over.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
3 - Do This And You'll Be Looking Up The Time-Tables To Reno<o:p></o:p>
Disraeli's bitterest rival in public life was the great Gladstone. These<o:p></o:p>
two clashed on every debatable subject under the Empire, yet they<o:p></o:p>
had one thing in common; the supreme happiness of their private<o:p></o:p>
lives.<o:p></o:p>
William and Catherine Gladstone lived together for fifty-nine years,<o:p></o:p>
almost three score years glorified with an abiding devotion. I like to<o:p></o:p>
think of Gladstone, the most dignified of England's prime ministers,<o:p></o:p>
clasping his wife's hand and dancing around the hearthrug with her,<o:p></o:p>
singing this song:<o:p></o:p>
A ragamuffin husband and a rantipoling wife,<o:p></o:p>
We'll fiddle it and scrape it<o:p></o:p>
through the ups and downs<o:p></o:p>
of life.<o:p></o:p>
Gladstone, a formidable enemy in public, never criticized at home.<o:p></o:p>
When he came down to breakfast in the morning, only to discover<o:p></o:p>
that the rest of his family was still sleeping, he had a gentle way of<o:p></o:p>
registering his reproach. He raised his voice and filled the house with<o:p></o:p>
a mysterious chant that reminded the other members that England's<o:p></o:p>
busiest man was waiting downstairs for his breakfast, all alone.<o:p></o:p>
Diplomatic, considerate, he rigorously refrained from domestic<o:p></o:p>
criticism.<o:p></o:p>
And so, often, did Catherine the Great. Catherine ruled one of the<o:p></o:p>
largest empires the world has ever known. Over millions of her<o:p></o:p>
subjects she held the power of life and death. Politically, she was<o:p></o:p>
often a cruel tyrant, waging useless wars and sentencing scores of<o:p></o:p>
her enemies to be cut down by firing squads. Yet if the cook burned<o:p></o:p>
the meat, she said nothing. She smiled and ate it with a tolerance<o:p></o:p>
that the average American husband would do well to emulate.<o:p></o:p>
Dorothy Dix, America's premier authority on the causes of marital<o:p></o:p>
unhappiness, declares that more than fifty per cent of all marriages<o:p></o:p>
are failures; and she knows that one of the reasons why so many<o:p></o:p>
romantic dreams break up on the rocks of Reno is criticism—futile,<o:p></o:p>
heartbreaking criticism.<o:p></o:p>
So, if you want to keep your home life happy, remember Rule 3:<o:p></o:p>
Don't criticize.<o:p></o:p>
And if you are tempted to criticize the children . . . you imagine I am<o:p></o:p>
going to say don't. But I am not. I am merely going to say, before<o:p></o:p>
you criticize them, read one of the classics of American journalism,<o:p></o:p>
"Father Forgets." It appeared originally as an editorial in the People's<o:p></o:p>
Home Journal. We are reprinting it here with the author's<o:p></o:p>
permission—reprinting it as it was condensed in the Reader's Digest:<o:p></o:p>
"Father Forgets" is one of those little pieces which— dashed off in a<o:p></o:p>
moment of sincere feeling—strikes an echoing chord in so many<o:p></o:p>
readers as to become a perennial reprint favourite. Since its first<o:p></o:p>
appearance, some fifteen years ago, "Father Forgets" has been<o:p></o:p>
reproduced, writes the author, W. Livingston Larned, "in hundreds of<o:p></o:p>
magazines and house organs, and in newspapers the country over. It<o:p></o:p>
has been reprinted almost as extensively in many foreign languages.<o:p></o:p>
I have given personal permission to thousands who wished to read it<o:p></o:p>
from school, church, and lecture platforms. It has been 'on the air'<o:p></o:p>
on countless occasions and programmes. Oddly enough, college<o:p></o:p>
periodicals have used it, and high-school magazines. Sometimes a<o:p></o:p>
little piece seems mysteriously to 'click.' This one certainly did."<o:p></o:p>
Father Forgets<o:p></o:p>
W. Livingston Larned<o:p></o:p>
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw<o:p></o:p>
crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your<o:p></o:p>
damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few<o:p></o:p>
minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave<o:p></o:p>
of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.<o:p></o:p>
These are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I<o:p></o:p>
scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your<o:p></o:p>
face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning<o:p></o:p>
your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things<o:p></o:p>
on the floor.<o:p></o:p>
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down<o:p></o:p>
your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too<o:p></o:p>
thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for<o:p></o:p>
my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Good-bye,<o:p></o:p>
Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your Shoulders<o:p></o:p>back!"

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:15:07

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Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the<o:p></o:p>
road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were<o:p></o:p>
holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boy friends by<o:p></o:p>
marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were 數灥湳楶攠<o:p></o:p>
and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine<o:p></o:p>
that, son, from a father!<o:p></o:p>
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you<o:p></o:p>
came in, timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I<o:p></o:p>
glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you<o:p></o:p>
hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.<o:p></o:p>
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and<o:p></o:p>
threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small<o:p></o:p>
arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your<o:p></o:p>
heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were<o:p></o:p>
gone, pattering up the stairs.<o:p></o:p>
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my<o:p></o:p>
hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit<o:p></o:p>
been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding—this<o:p></o:p>
was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love<o:p></o:p>
you; it was that I expected too much of youth. It was measuring you<o:p></o:p>
by the yardstick of my own years.<o:p></o:p>
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your<o:p></o:p>
character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over<o:p></o:p>
the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush<o:p></o:p>
in and kiss me goodnight. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have<o:p></o:p>
come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there,<o:p></o:p>
ashamed!<o:p></o:p>
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these<o:p></o:p>
things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow<o:p></o:p>
I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you<o:p></o:p>
suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when<o:p></o:p>
impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is<o:p></o:p>
nothing but a boy—a little boy!"<o:p></o:p>
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now,<o:p></o:p>
son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby.<o:p></o:p>
Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her<o:p></o:p>
shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
4 - A Quick Way To Make Everybody Happy<o:p></o:p>
"Most Men when seeking wives," says Paul Popenoe, Director of the<o:p></o:p>
Institute of Family Relations in Los Angeles, "are not looking for<o:p></o:p>
executives but for someone with allure and willingness to flatter their<o:p></o:p>
vanity and make them feel superior. Hence the woman office<o:p></o:p>
manager may be invited to luncheon, once. But she quite possibly<o:p></o:p>
dishes out warmed-over remnants of her college courses on 'main<o:p></o:p>
currents in contemporary philosophy,' and may even insist on paying<o:p></o:p>
her own bill. Result: she thereafter lunches alone.<o:p></o:p>
"In contrast, the noncollegiate typist, when invited to luncheon, fixes<o:p></o:p>
an incandescent gaze on her escort and says yearningly, 'Now tell<o:p></o:p>
me some more about yourself.' Result: he tells the other fellows that<o:p></o:p>
'she's no raving beauty, but I have never met a better talker.'"<o:p></o:p>
Men should express their appreciation of a woman's effort to look<o:p></o:p>
well and dress becomingly. All men forget, if they have ever realized<o:p></o:p>
it, how profoundly women are interested in clothes. For example, if a<o:p></o:p>
man and woman meet another man and woman on the street, the<o:p></o:p>
woman seldom looks at the other man; she usually looks to see how<o:p></o:p>
well the other woman is dressed.<o:p></o:p>
My grandmother died a few years ago at the age of ninety-eight.<o:p></o:p>
Shortly before her death, we showed her a photograph of herself<o:p></o:p>
that had been taken a third of a century earlier. Her failing eyes<o:p></o:p>
couldn't see the picture very well, and the only question she asked<o:p></o:p>
was: "What dress did I have on?" Think of it! An old woman in her<o:p></o:p>
last December, bedridden, weary with age as she lay within the<o:p></o:p>
shadow of the century mark, her memory fading so fast that she was<o:p></o:p>
no longer able to recognize even her own daughters, still interested<o:p></o:p>
in knowing what dress she had worn a third of a century before! I<o:p></o:p>
was at her bedside when she asked that question. It left an<o:p></o:p>
impression on me that will never fade.<o:p></o:p>
The men who are reading these lines can't remember what suits or<o:p></o:p>
shirts they wore five years ago, and they haven't the remotest desire<o:p></o:p>
to remember them. But women—they are different, and we<o:p></o:p>
American men ought to recognize it. French boys of the upper class<o:p></o:p>
are trained to express their admiration of a woman's frock and<o:p></o:p>
chapeau, not only once but many times during an evening. And fifty<o:p></o:p>
million Frenchmen can't be wrong!<o:p></o:p>
I have among my clippings a story that I know never happened, but<o:p></o:p>
it illustrates a truth, so I'll repeat it:<o:p></o:p>
According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of a heavy<o:p></o:p>
day's work, set before her men folks a heaping pile of hay. And when<o:p></o:p>
they indignantly demanded whether she'd gone crazy, she replied:<o:p></o:p>
"Why, how did I know you'd notice? I've been cooking for you men<o:p></o:p>
for the last twenty years, and in all that time I ain't heard no word to<o:p></o:p>
let me know you wasn't just eating hay!"<o:p></o:p>
The pampered aristocrats of Moscow and St Petersburg used to have<o:p></o:p>
better manners; in the Russia of the Czars, it was the custom of the<o:p></o:p>
upper classes, when they had enjoyed a fine dinner, to insist on<o:p></o:p>
having the cook brought into the dining room to receive their<o:p></o:p>congratulations.

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:15:22

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Why not have as much consideration for your wife? The next time<o:p></o:p>
the fried chicken is done to a tender turn, tell her so. Let her know<o:p></o:p>
that you appreciate the fact that you're not just eating hay. Or, as<o:p></o:p>
Texas Guinan used to say, "Give the little girl a great big hand."<o:p></o:p>
And while you're about it, don't be afraid to let her know how<o:p></o:p>
important she is to your happiness. Disraeli was as great a<o:p></o:p>
statesman as England ever produced; yet, as we've seen, he wasn't<o:p></o:p>
ashamed to let the world know how much he "owed to the little<o:p></o:p>
woman."<o:p></o:p>
Just the other day, while perusing a magazine, I came across this.<o:p></o:p>
It's from an interview with Eddie Cantor.<o:p></o:p>
"I owe more to my wife," says Eddie Cantor, "than to anyone else in<o:p></o:p>
the world. She was my best pal as a boy; she helped me to go<o:p></o:p>
straight. And after we married she saved every dollar, and invested<o:p></o:p>
it, and reinvested it. She built up a fortune for me. We have five<o:p></o:p>
lovely children. And she's made a wonderful home for me always. If<o:p></o:p>
I've gotten anywhere, give her the credit."<o:p></o:p>
Out in Hollywood, where marriage is a risk that even Lloyd's of<o:p></o:p>
London wouldn't take a gamble on, one of the few outstandingly<o:p></o:p>
happy marriages is that of the Warner Baxters. Mrs Baxter, the<o:p></o:p>
former Winifred Bryson, gave up a brilliant stage career when she<o:p></o:p>
married. Yet her sacrifice has never been permitted to mar their<o:p></o:p>
happiness. "She missed the applause of stage success," Warner<o:p></o:p>
Baxter says, "but I have tried to see that she is entirely aware of my<o:p></o:p>
applause. If a woman is to find happiness at all in her husband, she<o:p></o:p>
is to find it in his appreciation, and devotion. If that appreciation and<o:p></o:p>
devotion is actual, there is the answer to his happiness also."<o:p></o:p>
There you are. So, if you want to keep your home life happy, one of<o:p></o:p>
the most important rules is<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
5 - They Mean So Much To A Woman<o:p></o:p>
From Time immemorial, flowers have been considered the language<o:p></o:p>
of love. They don't cost much, especially in season, and often they're<o:p></o:p>
for sale on the street corners. Yet, considering the rarity with which<o:p></o:p>
the average husband takes home a bunch of daffodils, you might<o:p></o:p>
suppose them to be as expensive as orchids and as hard to come by<o:p></o:p>
as the edelweiss which flowers on the cloud-swept cliffs of the Alps.<o:p></o:p>
Why wait until your wife goes to the hospital to give her a few<o:p></o:p>
flowers? Why not bring her a few roses tomorrow night? You like to<o:p></o:p>
experiment. Try it. See what happens.<o:p></o:p>
George M. Cohan, busy as he was on Broadway, used to telephone<o:p></o:p>
his mother twice a day up to the time of her death. Do you suppose<o:p></o:p>
he had startling news for her each time? No, the meaning of little<o:p></o:p>
attentions is this: it shows the person you love that you are thinking<o:p></o:p>
of her, that you want to please her, and that her happiness and<o:p></o:p>
welfare are very dear, and very near, to your heart.<o:p></o:p>
Women attach a lot of importance to birthdays and anniversaries—<o:p></o:p>
just why, will forever remain one of those feminine mysteries. The<o:p></o:p>
average man can blunder through life without memorizing many<o:p></o:p>
dates, but there are a few which are indispensable: 1492, 1776, the<o:p></o:p>
date of his wife's birthday, and the year and date of his own<o:p></o:p>
marriage. If need be, he can even get along without the first two—<o:p></o:p>
but not the last!<o:p></o:p>
Judge Joseph Sabbath of Chicago, who has reviewed 40,000 marital<o:p></o:p>
disputes and reconciled 2,000 couples, says: "Trivialities are at the<o:p></o:p>
bottom of most marital unhappiness. Such a simple thing as a wife's<o:p></o:p>
waving good-bye to her husband when he goes to work in the<o:p></o:p>
morning would avert a good many divorces."<o:p></o:p>
Robert Browning, whose life with Elizabeth Barrett Browning was<o:p></o:p>
perhaps the most idyllic on record, was never too busy to keep love<o:p></o:p>
alive with little, tributes and attentions. He treated his invalid wife<o:p></o:p>
with such consideration that she once wrote to her sisters: "And now<o:p></o:p>
I begin to wonder naturally whether I may not be some sort of real<o:p></o:p>
angel after all."<o:p></o:p>
Too many men underestimate the value of these small, everyday<o:p></o:p>
attentions. As Gaynor Maddox said in an article in the Pictorial<o:p></o:p>
Review: "The American home really needs a few new vices.<o:p></o:p>
Breakfast in bed, for instance, is one of those amiable dissipations a<o:p></o:p>
greater number of women should be indulged in. Breakfast in bed to<o:p></o:p>
a woman does much the same thing as a private club for a man."<o:p></o:p>
That's what marriage is in the long run—a series of trivial incidents.<o:p></o:p>
And woe to the couple who overlook that fact. Edna St. Vincent<o:p></o:p>
Millay summed it all up once in one of her concise little rhymes:<o:p></o:p>
" 'Tis not love's going hurts my days, But that it went in little ways."<o:p></o:p>
That's a good verse to memorize. Out in Reno, the courts grant<o:p></o:p>
divorces six days a week, at the rate of one every ten marriages.<o:p></o:p>
How many of these marriages do you suppose were wrecked upon<o:p></o:p>
the reef of real tragedy? Mighty few, I'll warrant. If you could sit<o:p></o:p>
there day in, day out, listening to the testimony of those unhappy<o:p></o:p>
husbands and wives, you'd know love "went in little ways."<o:p></o:p>
Take your pocket knife now and cut out this quotation. Paste it inside<o:p></o:p>
your hat or paste it on the mirror, where you will see it every<o:p></o:p>morning when you shave:

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:15:36

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"I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or<o:p></o:p>
any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now.<o:p></o:p>
Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."<o:p></o:p>
So, if you want to keep your home life happy,<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 5 is: Pay little attentions.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
6 - If You Want To Be Happy, Don't Neglect This One<o:p></o:p>
Walter Damrosch married the daughter of James G. Blaine, one of<o:p></o:p>
America's greatest orators and one-time candidate for President.<o:p></o:p>
Ever since they met many years ago at Andrew Carnegie's home in<o:p></o:p>
Scotland, the Damroschs have led a conspicuously happy life.<o:p></o:p>
The secret?<o:p></o:p>
"Next to care in choosing a partner,". says Mrs Damrosch, "I should<o:p></o:p>
place courtesy after marriage. If young wives would only be as<o:p></o:p>
courteous to their husbands as to strangers! Any man will run from a<o:p></o:p>
shrewish tongue."<o:p></o:p>
Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Everyone knows this, yet<o:p></o:p>
it's notorious that we are more polite to strangers than we are to our<o:p></o:p>
own relatives. We wouldn't dream of interrupting strangers to say,<o:p></o:p>
"Good heavens, are you going to tell that old story again!" We<o:p></o:p>
wouldn't dream of opening our friends' mail without permission, or<o:p></o:p>
prying into their personal secrets. And it's only the members of our<o:p></o:p>
own family, those who are nearest and dearest to us, that we dare<o:p></o:p>
insult for their trivial faults.<o:p></o:p>
Again to quote Dorothy Dix: "It is an amazing but true thing that<o:p></o:p>
practically the only people who ever say mean, insulting, wounding<o:p></o:p>
things to us are those of our own households."<o:p></o:p>
"Courtesy," says Henry Clay Risner, "is that quality of heart that<o:p></o:p>
overlooks the broken gate and calls attention to the flowers in the<o:p></o:p>
yard beyond the gate." Courtesy is just as important to marriage as<o:p></o:p>
oil is to your motor.<o:p></o:p>
Oliver Wendell Holmes, the beloved "Autocrat of the Breakfast<o:p></o:p>
Table," was anything but an autocrat in his own home. In fact, he<o:p></o:p>
carried his consideration so far that when he felt melancholy and<o:p></o:p>
depressed, he tried to conceal his blues from the rest of his family. It<o:p></o:p>
was bad enough for him to have to bear them himself, he said,<o:p></o:p>
without inflicting them on the others as well.<o:p></o:p>
That is what Oliver Wendell Holmes did. But what about the average<o:p></o:p>
mortal? Things go wrong at the office; he loses a sale or gets called<o:p></o:p>
on the carpet by the boss. He develops a devastating headache or<o:p></o:p>
misses the five-fifteen; and he can hardly wait till he gets home—to<o:p></o:p>
take it out on the family.<o:p></o:p>
In Holland you leave your shoes outside on the doorstep before you<o:p></o:p>
enter the house. By the Lord Harry, we could learn a lesson from the<o:p></o:p>
Dutch and shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes.<o:p></o:p>
William James once wrote an essay called "On a Certain Blindness in<o:p></o:p>
Human Beings." It would be worth a special trip to your nearest<o:p></o:p>
library to get that essay and read it. "Now the blindness in human<o:p></o:p>
beings of which this discourse will treat," he wrote, "is the blindness<o:p></o:p>
with which we all are afflicted in regard to the feelings of creatures<o:p></o:p>
and people different from ourselves."<o:p></o:p>
"The blindness with which we all are afflicted." Many men who<o:p></o:p>
wouldn't dream of speaking sharply to a customer, or even to their<o:p></o:p>
partners in business, think nothing of barking at their wives. Yet, for<o:p></o:p>
their personal happiness, marriage is far more important to them, far<o:p></o:p>
more vital, than business.<o:p></o:p>
The average man who is happily married is happier by far than the<o:p></o:p>
genius who lives in solitude. Turgenev, the great Russian novelist,<o:p></o:p>
was acclaimed all over the civilized world. Yet he said: "I would give<o:p></o:p>
up all my genius, and all my books, if there were only some woman,<o:p></o:p>
somewhere, who cared whether or not I came home late for dinner."<o:p></o:p>
What are the chances of happiness in marriage anyway? Dorothy<o:p></o:p>
Dix, as we have already said, believes that more than half of them<o:p></o:p>
are failures; but Dr Paul Popenoe thinks otherwise. He says: "A man<o:p></o:p>
has a better chance of succeeding in marriage than in any other<o:p></o:p>
enterprise he may go into. Of all the men that go into the grocery<o:p></o:p>
business, 70 per cent fail. Of the men and women who enter<o:p></o:p>
matrimony, 70 per cent succeed."<o:p></o:p>
Dorothy Dix sums the whole thing up like this: "Compared with<o:p></o:p>
marriage," she says, "being born is a mere episode in our careers,<o:p></o:p>
and dying a trivial incident.<o:p></o:p>
"No woman can ever understand why a man doesn't put forth the<o:p></o:p>
same effort to make his home a going concern as he does to make<o:p></o:p>his business or profession a success.

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"But, although to have a contented wife and a peaceful and happy<o:p></o:p>
home means more to a man than to make a million dollars, not one<o:p></o:p>
man in a hundred ever gives any real serious thought or makes any<o:p></o:p>
honest effort to make his marriage a success. He leaves the most<o:p></o:p>
important thing in his life to chance, and he wins out or loses,<o:p></o:p>
according to whether fortune is with him or not. Women can never<o:p></o:p>
understand why their husbands refuse to handle them diplomatically,<o:p></o:p>
when it would be money in their pockets to use the velvet glove<o:p></o:p>
instead of the strong-arm method.<o:p></o:p>
"Every man knows that he can jolly his wife into doing anything, and<o:p></o:p>
doing without anything. He knows that if he hands her a few cheap<o:p></o:p>
compliments about what a wonderful manager she is, and how she<o:p></o:p>
helps him, she will squeeze every nickel. Every man knows that if he<o:p></o:p>
tells his wife how beautiful and lovely she looks in her last year's<o:p></o:p>
dress, she wouldn't trade it for the latest Paris importation. Every<o:p></o:p>
man knows that he can kiss his wife's eyes shut until she will be<o:p></o:p>
blind as a bat, and that he has only to give her a warm smack on the<o:p></o:p>
lips to make her dumb as an oyster.<o:p></o:p>
"And every wife knows that her husband knows these things about<o:p></o:p>
her, because she has furnished him with a complete diagram about<o:p></o:p>
how to work her. And she never knows whether to be mad at him or<o:p></o:p>
disgusted with him, because he would rather fight with her and pay<o:p></o:p>
for it in having to eat bad meals, and have his money wasted, and<o:p></o:p>
buy her new frocks and limousines and pearls, than to take the<o:p></o:p>
trouble to flatter her a little and treat her the way she is begging to<o:p></o:p>
be treated."<o:p></o:p>
So, if you want to keep your home life happy.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 6 is: Be courteous.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
7 - Don't Be A "Marriage Illiterate"<o:p></o:p>
Dr Katherine Bement Davis, general secretary of the Bureau of Social<o:p></o:p>
Hygiene, once induced a thousand married women to reply very<o:p></o:p>
frankly to a set of intimate questions. The result was shocking—an<o:p></o:p>
incredibly shocking comment upon the sexual unhappiness of the<o:p></o:p>
average American adult. After perusing the answers she received<o:p></o:p>
from these thousand married women, Dr Davis published without<o:p></o:p>
hesitation her conviction that one of the chief causes of divorce in<o:p></o:p>
this country is physical mismating.<o:p></o:p>
Dr G. V. Hamilton's survey verifies this finding. Dr Hamilton spent<o:p></o:p>
four years studying the marriages of one hundred men and one<o:p></o:p>
hundred women. He asked these men and women individually<o:p></o:p>
something like four hundred questions concerning their married lives,<o:p></o:p>
and discussed their problems exhaustively—so exhaustively that the<o:p></o:p>
whole investigation took four years. This work was considered so<o:p></o:p>
important sociologically that it was financed by a group of leading<o:p></o:p>
philanthropists. You can read the results of the experiment in What's<o:p></o:p>
Wrong with Marriage? by Dr G.V. Hamilton and Kenneth Macgowan.<o:p></o:p>
Well, what is wrong with marriage? "It would take a very prejudiced<o:p></o:p>
and very reckless psychiatrist," says Dr Hamilton, "to say that most<o:p></o:p>
married friction doesn't find its source in sexual maladjustment. At<o:p></o:p>
any rate, the frictions which arise from other difficulties would be<o:p></o:p>
ignored in many, many cases if the sexual relation itself were<o:p></o:p>
satisfactory."<o:p></o:p>
Dr Paul Popenoe, as head of the Institute of Family Relations in Los<o:p></o:p>
Angeles, has reviewed thousands of marriages and he is one of<o:p></o:p>
America's foremost authorities on home life. According to Dr<o:p></o:p>
Popenoe, failure in marriage is usually due to four causes. He lists<o:p></o:p>
them in this order:<o:p></o:p>
• 1. Sexual maladjustment.<o:p></o:p>
• 2. Difference of opinion as to the way of spending leisure time.<o:p></o:p>
• 3. Financial difficulties.<o:p></o:p>
• 4. Mental, physical, or emotional abnormalities.<o:p></o:p>
Notice that sex comes first; and that, strangely enough, money<o:p></o:p>
difficulties come only third on the list.<o:p></o:p>
All authorities on divorce agree upon the absolute necessity for<o:p></o:p>
sexual compatibility. For example, a few years ago Judge Hoffman of<o:p></o:p>
the Domestic Relations Court of Cincinnati—a man who has listened<o:p></o:p>
to thousands of domestic tragedies—announced: "Nine out of ten<o:p></o:p>
divorces are caused by sexual troubles."<o:p></o:p>
"Sex," says the famous psychologist, John B. Watson, "is admittedly<o:p></o:p>
the most important subject in life. It is admittedly the thing which<o:p></o:p>
causes the most ship-wrecks in the happiness of men and women."<o:p></o:p>
And I have heard a number of practicing physicians in speeches<o:p></o:p>
before my own classes say practically the same thing. Isn't it pitiful,<o:p></o:p>
then, that in the twentieth century, with all of our books and all of<o:p></o:p>
our education, marriages should be destroyed and lives wrecked by<o:p></o:p>
ignorance concerning this most primal and natural instinct?<o:p></o:p>
The Rev. Oliver M. Butterfield after eighteen years as a Methodist<o:p></o:p>
minister gave up his pulpit to direct the Family Guidance Service in<o:p></o:p>
New York City, and he has probably married as many young people<o:p></o:p>as any man living. He says:

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:16:32

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"Early in my experience as a minister I discovered that, in spite of<o:p></o:p>
romance and good intentions, many couples who come to the<o:p></o:p>
marriage altar are matrimonial illiterates." Matrimonial illiterates!<o:p></o:p>
And he continues: "When you consider that we leave the highly<o:p></o:p>
difficult adjustment of marriage so largely to chance, the marvel is<o:p></o:p>
that our divorce rate is only 16 per cent. An appalling number of<o:p></o:p>
husbands and wives are not really married but simply undivorced:<o:p></o:p>
they live in a sort of purgatory."<o:p></o:p>
"Happy marriages," says Dr Butterfield, "are rarely the product of<o:p></o:p>
chance: they are architectural in that they are intelligently and<o:p></o:p>
deliberately planned."<o:p></o:p>
To assist in this planning, Dr Butterfield has for years insisted that<o:p></o:p>
any couple he marries must discuss with him frankly their plans for<o:p></o:p>
the future. And it was as a result of these discussions that he came<o:p></o:p>
to the conclusion that so many of the high contracting parties were<o:p></o:p>
"matrimonial illiterates."<o:p></o:p>
"Sex," says Dr Butterfield, "is but one of the many satisfactions in<o:p></o:p>
married life, but unless this relationship is right, nothing else can be<o:p></o:p>
right."<o:p></o:p>
But how to get it right? "Sentimental reticence"—I'm still quoting Dr<o:p></o:p>
Butterfield—"must be replaced by an ability to discuss objectively<o:p></o:p>
and with detachment attitudes and practices of married life. There is<o:p></o:p>
no way in which this ability can be better acquired than through a<o:p></o:p>
book of sound learning and good taste. I keep on hand several of<o:p></o:p>
these books in addition to a supply of my own booklet, Marriage and<o:p></o:p>
Sexual Harmony.<o:p></o:p>
"Of all the books that are available, the three that seem to me most<o:p></o:p>
satisfactory for general reading are: The Sex Technique in Marriage<o:p></o:p>
by Isabel E. Hutton; The Sexual Side of Marriage by Max Exner; The<o:p></o:p>
Sex Factor in Marriage by Helena Wright."<o:p></o:p>
So,<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 7 of "How to Make Your Home Life Happier" is: 'Read a good<o:p></o:p>
book on the sexual side of marriage.<o:p></o:p>
Learn about sex from books? Why not? A few years ago, Columbia<o:p></o:p>
University, together with the American Social Hygiene Association,<o:p></o:p>
invited leading educators to come and discuss the sex and marriage<o:p></o:p>
problems of college students. At that conference, Dr Paul Popenoe<o:p></o:p>
said: "Divorce is on the decrease. And one of the reasons it is on the<o:p></o:p>
decrease is that people are reading more of the recognized books on<o:p></o:p>
sex and marriage."<o:p></o:p>
So I sincerely feel that I have no right to complete a chapter on<o:p></o:p>
"How to Make Your Home Life Happier" without recommending a list<o:p></o:p>
of books that deal frankly and in a scientific manner with this tragic<o:p></o:p>
problem.<o:p></o:p>
----<o:p></o:p>
• The Sex Side Of Life, by Mary Ware Dennett. An explanation for<o:p></o:p>
young people. Published by the author, 24-30 29th Street, Long<o:p></o:p>
Island City, New York.<o:p></o:p>
• The Sexual Side Of Marriage, by M.J. Exner, M.D. A sound and<o:p></o:p>
temperate presentation of the sexual problems of marriage. W.W.<o:p></o:p>
Norton & Co., Inc., 70 Fifth Avenue, New York City.<o:p></o:p>
• Preparation For Marriage, by Kenneth Walker, M.D. A lucid<o:p></o:p>
exposition of marital problems. W.W. Norton & Co., Inc., 70 Fifth<o:p></o:p>
Avenue, New York City.<o:p></o:p>
• Married Love, by Marie C. Slopes. A frank discussion of marital<o:p></o:p>
relationships. G.P. Putman's Sons, 2 West 45th Street, New York<o:p></o:p>
City.<o:p></o:p>
• Sex In Marriage, by Ernest R. and Gladys H. Groves. An informative<o:p></o:p>
and comprehensive book. Emerson Books, Inc., 251 West 19th<o:p></o:p>
Street, New York City.<o:p></o:p>
• Preparation For Marriage, by Ernest R. Groves. Emerson Books,<o:p></o:p>
Inc., 251 West 19th Street, New York City.<o:p></o:p>
• The Married Woman, by Robert A. Ross, M.D., and Gladys H.<o:p></o:p>
Groves. A practical guide to happy marriage. Tower Books, World<o:p></o:p>
Publishing Company, 14 West 49th Street, New York City.<o:p></o:p>
----<o:p></o:p>
In a Nutshell<o:p></o:p>
Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 1: Don't nag.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 2: Don't try to make your partner over.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 3: Don't criticize.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 5: Pay little attentions.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 6: Be courteous.<o:p></o:p>
• Rule 7: Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.<o:p></o:p>
In its issue for June, 1933, American Magazine printed an article by<o:p></o:p>
Emmet Crozier, "Why Marriages Go Wrong." The following is a<o:p></o:p>
questionnaire reprinted from that article. You may find it worth while<o:p></o:p>
to answer these questions, giving yourself ten points for each<o:p></o:p>
question you can answer in the affirmative.<o:p></o:p>
For Husbands<o:p></o:p>
1. Do you still "court" your wife with an occasional gift of flowers,<o:p></o:p>
with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary, or with<o:p></o:p>
some unexpected attention, some unlooked-for tenderness?<o:p></o:p>
2. Are you careful never to criticize her before others?<o:p></o:p>
3. Do you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses, above<o:p></o:p>
the household expenses?<o:p></o:p>
4. Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods<o:p></o:p>
and help her through periods of fatigue, nerves, and irritability?<o:p></o:p>
5. Do you share at least half of your recreation hours with your wife?<o:p></o:p>
6. Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife's cooking or<o:p></o:p>
housekeeping with that of your mother or of Bill Jones' wife, except<o:p></o:p>
to her advantage?<o:p></o:p>
7. Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life, her clubs and<o:p></o:p>
societies, the books she reads, her views on civic problems?<o:p></o:p>
8. Can you let her dance with and receive friendly attentions from<o:p></o:p>
other men without making jealous remarks?<o:p></o:p>
9. Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your<o:p></o:p>
admiration for her?<o:p></o:p>
10. Do you thank her for the little jobs she does for you, such as<o:p></o:p>
sewing on a button, darning your socks, and sending your clothes to<o:p></o:p>
the cleaners?<o:p></o:p>
For Wives<o:p></o:p>
1. Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business<o:p></o:p>
affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his associates, his choice of<o:p></o:p>
a secretary, or the hours he keeps?<o:p></o:p>
2. Do you try your best to make your home interesting and<o:p></o:p>attractive?

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 18:17:00

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