How To Win Friends And Influence People - 第7页 - 英语 English - 航空论坛_航空翻译_民航英语翻译_飞行翻译

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:50:43

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Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name, particularly if it is hard<o:p></o:p>
to pronounce. Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it<o:p></o:p>
or call the person by an easy nickname. Sid Levy called on a<o:p></o:p>
customer for some time whose name was Nicodemus Papadoulos.<o:p></o:p>
Most people just called him "Nick." Levy told us: "I made a special<o:p></o:p>
effort to say his name over several times to myself before I made my<o:p></o:p>
call. When I greeted him by his full name: 'Good afternoon, Mr.<o:p></o:p>
Nicodemus Papadoulos,' he was shocked. For what seemed like<o:p></o:p>
several minutes there was no reply from him at all. Finally, he said<o:p></o:p>
with tears rolling down his cheeks, 'Mr. Levy, in all the fifteen years I<o:p></o:p>
have been in this country, nobody has ever made the effort to call<o:p></o:p>
me by my right name.' "<o:p></o:p>
What was the reason for Andrew Carnegie's success?<o:p></o:p>
He was called the Steel King; yet he himself knew little about the<o:p></o:p>
manufacture of steel. He had hundreds of people working for him<o:p></o:p>
who knew far more about steel than he did.<o:p></o:p>
But he knew how to handle people, and that is what made him rich.<o:p></o:p>
Early in life, he showed a flair for organization, a genius for<o:p></o:p>
leadership. By the time he was ten, he too had discovered the<o:p></o:p>
astounding importance people place on their own name. And he<o:p></o:p>
used that discovery to win cooperation. To illustrate: When he was a<o:p></o:p>
boy back in Scotland, he got hold of a rabbit, a mother rabbit.<o:p></o:p>
Presto! He soon had a whole nest of little rabbits - and nothing to<o:p></o:p>
feed them. But he had a brilliant idea. He told the boys and girls in<o:p></o:p>
the neighborhood that if they would go out and pull enough clover<o:p></o:p>
and dandelions to feed the rabbits, he would name the bunnies in<o:p></o:p>
their honor.<o:p></o:p>
The plan worked like magic, and Carnegie never forgot it.<o:p></o:p>
Years later, he made millions by using the same psychology in<o:p></o:p>
business. For example, he wanted to sell steel rails to the<o:p></o:p>
Pennsylvania Railroad. J. Edgar Thomson was the president of the<o:p></o:p>
Pennsylvania Railroad then. So Andrew Carnegie built a huge steel<o:p></o:p>
mill in Pittsburgh and called it the "Edgar Thomson Steel Works."<o:p></o:p>
Here is a riddle. See if you can guess it. When the Pennsylvania<o:p></o:p>
Railroad needed steel rails, where do you suppose J. Edgar Thomson<o:p></o:p>
bought them?. . , From Sears, Roebuck? No. No. You're wrong.<o:p></o:p>
Guess again. When Carnegie and George Pullman were battling each<o:p></o:p>
other for supremacy in the railroad sleeping-car business, the Steel<o:p></o:p>
King again remembered the lesson of the rabbits.<o:p></o:p>
The Central Transportation Company, which Andrew Carnegie<o:p></o:p>
controlled, was fighting with the company that Pullman owned. Both<o:p></o:p>
were struggling to get the sleeping-car business of the Union Pacific<o:p></o:p>
Railroad, bucking each other, slashing prices, and destroving all<o:p></o:p>
chance of profit. Both Carnegie and Pullman had gone to New York<o:p></o:p>
to see the board of directors of the Union Pacific. Meeting one<o:p></o:p>
evening in the St. Nicholas Hotel, Carnegie said: "Good evening, Mr.<o:p></o:p>
Pullman, aren't we making a couple of fools of ourselves?"<o:p></o:p>
"What do you mean.?" Pullman demanded.<o:p></o:p>
Then Carnegie expressed what he had on his mind - a merger of<o:p></o:p>
their two interests. He pictured in glowing terms the mutual<o:p></o:p>
advantages of working with, instead of against, each other. Pullman<o:p></o:p>
listened attentively, but he was not wholly convinced. Finally he<o:p></o:p>
asked, "What would you call the new company?" and Carnegie<o:p></o:p>
replied promptly: "Why, the Pullman Palace Car Company, of<o:p></o:p>
course."<o:p></o:p>
Pullman's face brightened. "Come into my room," he said. "Let's talk<o:p></o:p>
it over." That talk made industrial history.<o:p></o:p>
This policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends<o:p></o:p>
and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie's<o:p></o:p>
leadership. He was proud of the fact that he could call many of his<o:p></o:p>
factory workers by their first names, and he boasted that while he<o:p></o:p>
was personally in charge, no strike ever disturbed his flaming steel<o:p></o:p>
mills.<o:p></o:p>
Benton Love, chairman of Texas Commerce Banc-shares, believes<o:p></o:p>
that the bigger a corporation gets, the colder it becomes. " One way<o:p></o:p>
to warm it up," he said, "is to remember people's names. The<o:p></o:p>
executive who tells me he can't remember names is at the same time<o:p></o:p>
telling me he can't remember a significant part of his business and is<o:p></o:p>operating on quicksand."

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:50:57

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Karen Kirsech of Rancho Palos Verdes, California, a flight attendant<o:p></o:p>
for TWA, made it a practice to learn the names of as many<o:p></o:p>
passengers in her cabin as possible and use the name when serving<o:p></o:p>
them. This resulted in many compliments on her service expressed<o:p></o:p>
both to her directly and to the airline. One passenger wrote: "I<o:p></o:p>
haven't flown TWA for some time, but I'm going to start flying<o:p></o:p>
nothing but TWA from now on. You make me feel that your airline<o:p></o:p>
has become a very personalized airline and that is important to me."<o:p></o:p>
People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate<o:p></o:p>
them at any cost. Even blustering, hard-boiled old P. T. Barnum, the<o:p></o:p>
greatest showman of his time, disappointed because he had no sons<o:p></o:p>
to carry on his name, offered his grandson, C. H. Seeley, $25,000<o:p></o:p>
dollars if he would call himself "Barnum" Seeley.<o:p></o:p>
For many centuries, nobles and magnates supported artists,<o:p></o:p>
musicians and authors so that their creative works would be<o:p></o:p>
dedicated to them.<o:p></o:p>
Libraries and museums owe their richest collections to people who<o:p></o:p>
cannot bear to think that their names might perish from the memory<o:p></o:p>
of the race. The New York Public Library has its Astor and Lenox<o:p></o:p>
collections. The Metropolitan Museum perpetuates the names of<o:p></o:p>
Benjamin Altman and J. P. Morgan. And nearly every church is<o:p></o:p>
beautified by stained-glass windows commemorating the names of<o:p></o:p>
their donors. Many of the buildings on the campus of most<o:p></o:p>
universities bear the names of donors who contributed large sums of<o:p></o:p>
money for this honor.<o:p></o:p>
Most people don't remember names, for the simple reason that they<o:p></o:p>
don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat<o:p></o:p>
and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for<o:p></o:p>
themselves; they are too busy.<o:p></o:p>
But they were probably no busier than Franklin D. Roosevelt, and he<o:p></o:p>
took time to remember and recall even the names of mechanics with<o:p></o:p>
whom he came into contact.<o:p></o:p>
To illustrate: The Chrysler organization built a special car for Mr.<o:p></o:p>
Roosevelt, who could not use a standard car because his legs were<o:p></o:p>
paralyzed. W. F. Chamberlain and a mechanic delivered it to the<o:p></o:p>
White House. I have in front of me a letter from Mr. Chamberlain<o:p></o:p>
relating his experiences. "I taught President Roosevelt how to handle<o:p></o:p>
a car with a lot of unusual gadgets, but he taught me a lot about the<o:p></o:p>
fine art of handling people.<o:p></o:p>
"When I called at the White House," Mr. Chamberlain writes, "the<o:p></o:p>
President was extremely pleasant and cheerful. He called me by<o:p></o:p>
name, made me feel very comfortable, and particularly impressed<o:p></o:p>
me with the fact that he was vitally interested in things I had to<o:p></o:p>
show him and tell him. The car was so designed that it could be<o:p></o:p>
operated entirely by hand. A crowd gathered around to look at the<o:p></o:p>
car; and he remarked: 'I think it is marvelous. All you have to do is<o:p></o:p>
to touch a button and it moves away and you can drive it without<o:p></o:p>
effort. I think it is grand - I don't know what makes it go. I'd love to<o:p></o:p>
have the time to tear it down and see how it works.'<o:p></o:p>
"When Roosevelt's friends and associates admired the machine, he<o:p></o:p>
said in their presence: 'Mr. Chamberlain, I certainly appreciate all the<o:p></o:p>
time and effort you have spent in developing this car. It is a mighty<o:p></o:p>
fine job.' He admired the radiator, the special rear-vision mirror and<o:p></o:p>
clock, the special spotlight, the kind of upholstery, the sitting position<o:p></o:p>
of the driver's seat, the special suitcases in the trunk with his<o:p></o:p>
monogram on each suitcase. In other words, he took notice of every<o:p></o:p>
detail to which he knew I had given considerable thought. He made<o:p></o:p>
a point of bringing these various pieces of equipment to the attention<o:p></o:p>
of Mrs. Roosevelt, Miss Perkins, the Secretary of Labor, and his<o:p></o:p>
secretary. He even brought the old White House porter into the<o:p></o:p>
picture by saying, 'George, you want to take particularly good care of<o:p></o:p>
the suitcases.'<o:p></o:p>
"When the driving lesson was finished, the President turned to me<o:p></o:p>
and said: 'Well, Mr. Chamberlain, I have been keeping the Federal<o:p></o:p>
Reserve Board waiting thirty minutes. I guess I had better get back<o:p></o:p>to work.'

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:51:09

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"I took a mechanic with me to the White House. He was introduced<o:p></o:p>
to Roosevelt when he arrived. He didn't talk to the President, and<o:p></o:p>
Roosevelt heard his name only once. He was a shy chap, and he<o:p></o:p>
kept in the background. But before leaving us, the President looked<o:p></o:p>
for the mechanic, shook his hand, called him by name, and thanked<o:p></o:p>
him for coming to Washington. And there was nothing perfunctory<o:p></o:p>
about his thanks. He meant what he said. I could feel that.<o:p></o:p>
"A few days after returning to New York, I got an autographed<o:p></o:p>
photograph of President Roosevelt and a little note of thanks again<o:p></o:p>
expressing his appreciation for my assistance. How he found time to<o:p></o:p>
do it is a mystery to me ."<o:p></o:p>
Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious<o:p></o:p>
and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering<o:p></o:p>
names and making people feel important - yet how many of us do it?<o:p></o:p>
Half the time we are introduced to a stranger, we chat a few minutes<o:p></o:p>
and can't even remember his or her name by the time we say<o:p></o:p>
goodbye.<o:p></o:p>
One of the first lessons a politician learns is this: "To recall a voter's<o:p></o:p>
name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion."<o:p></o:p>
And the ability to remember names is almost as important in<o:p></o:p>
business and social contacts as it is in politics.<o:p></o:p>
Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great<o:p></o:p>
Napoleon, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could<o:p></o:p>
remember the name of every person he met.<o:p></o:p>
His technique? Simple. If he didn't hear the name distinctly, he said,<o:p></o:p>
"So sorry. I didn't get the name clearly." Then, if it was an unusual<o:p></o:p>
name, he would say, "How is it spelled?"<o:p></o:p>
During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name<o:p></o:p>
several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person's<o:p></o:p>
features, expression and general appearance.<o:p></o:p>
If the person was someone of importance, Napoleon went to even<o:p></o:p>
further pains. As soon as His Royal Highness was alone, he wrote the<o:p></o:p>
name down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it,<o:p></o:p>
fixed it securely in his mind, and then tore up the paper. In this way,<o:p></o:p>
he gained an eye impression of the name as well as an ear<o:p></o:p>
impression.<o:p></o:p>
All this takes time, but "Good manners," said Emerson, "are made up<o:p></o:p>
of petty sacrifices."<o:p></o:p>
The importance of remembering and using names is not just the<o:p></o:p>
prerogative of kings and corporate executives. It works for all of us.<o:p></o:p>
Ken Nottingham, an employee of General Motors in Indiana, usually<o:p></o:p>
had lunch at the company cafeteria. He noticed that the woman who<o:p></o:p>
worked behind the counter always had a scowl on her face. "She had<o:p></o:p>
been making sandwiches for about two hours and I was just another<o:p></o:p>
sandwich to her. I told her what I wanted. She weighed out the ham<o:p></o:p>
on a little scale, then she gave me one leaf of lettuce, a few potato<o:p></o:p>
chips and handed them to me.<o:p></o:p>
"The next day I went through the same line. Same woman, same<o:p></o:p>
scowl. The only difference was I noticed her name tag. I smiled and<o:p></o:p>
said, 'Hello, Eunice,' and then told her what I wanted. Well, she<o:p></o:p>
forgot the scale, piled on the ham, gave me three leaves of lettuce<o:p></o:p>
and heaped on the potato chips until they fell off the plate."<o:p></o:p>
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize<o:p></o:p>
that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person<o:p></o:p>
with whom we are dealing and nobody else. The name sets the<o:p></o:p>
individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The<o:p></o:p>
information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on<o:p></o:p>
a special importance when we approach the situation with the name<o:p></o:p>
of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the<o:p></o:p>name will work magic as we deal with others.

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:51:26

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• Principle 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the<o:p></o:p>
sweetest and most important sound in any language.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
4 - An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist<o:p></o:p>
Some time ago, I attended a bridge party. I don't play bridge - and<o:p></o:p>
there was a woman there who didn't play bridge either. She had<o:p></o:p>
discovered that I had once been Lowell Thomas' manager before he<o:p></o:p>
went on the radio and that I had traveled in Europe a great deal<o:p></o:p>
while helping him prepare the illustrated travel talks he was then<o:p></o:p>
delivering. So she said: "Oh, Mr. Carnegie, I do want you to tell me<o:p></o:p>
about all the wonderful places you have visited and the sights you<o:p></o:p>
have seen."<o:p></o:p>
As we sat down on the sofa, she remarked that she and her husband<o:p></o:p>
had recently returned from a trip to Africa. "Africa!" I exclaimed.<o:p></o:p>
"How interesting! I've always wanted to see Africa, but I never got<o:p></o:p>
there except for a twenty-four-hour stay once in Algiers. Tell me, did<o:p></o:p>
you visit the big-game country? Yes? How fortunate. I envy you. Do<o:p></o:p>
tell me about Africa."<o:p></o:p>
That kept her talking for forty-five minutes. She never again asked<o:p></o:p>
me where I had been or what I had seen. She didn't want to hear<o:p></o:p>
me talk about my travels. All she wanted was an interested listener,<o:p></o:p>
so she could expand her ego and tell about where she had been.<o:p></o:p>
Was she unusual? No. Many people are like that.<o:p></o:p>
For example, I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given<o:p></o:p>
by a New York book publisher. I had never talked with a botanist<o:p></o:p>
before, and I found him fascinating. I literally sat on the edge of my<o:p></o:p>
chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants and experiments in<o:p></o:p>
developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens (and even told<o:p></o:p>
me astonishing facts about the humble potato). I had a small indoor<o:p></o:p>
garden of my own - and he was good enough to tell me how to solve<o:p></o:p>
some of my problems.<o:p></o:p>
As I said, we were at a dinner party. There must have been a dozen<o:p></o:p>
other guests, but I violated all the canons of courtesy, ignored<o:p></o:p>
everyone else, and talked for hours to the botanist.<o:p></o:p>
Midnight came, I said good night to everyone and departed. The<o:p></o:p>
botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering<o:p></o:p>
compliments. I was "most stimulating." I was this and I was that,<o:p></o:p>
and he ended by saying I was a "most interesting conversationalist."<o:p></o:p>
An interesting conversationalist? Why, I had said hardly anything at<o:p></o:p>
all. I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to without changing<o:p></o:p>
the subject, for I didn't know any more about botany than I knew<o:p></o:p>
about the anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this: I had listened<o:p></o:p>
intently. I had listened because I was genuinely interested. And he<o:p></o:p>
felt it. Naturally that pleased him. That kind of listening is one of the<o:p></o:p>
highest compliments we can pay anyone. "Few human beings,"<o:p></o:p>
wrote Jack Woodford in Strangers in Love, "few human beings are<o:p></o:p>
proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention." I went even<o:p></o:p>
further than giving him rapt attention. I was "hearty in my<o:p></o:p>
approbation and lavish in my praise."<o:p></o:p>
I told him that I had been immensely entertained and instructed -<o:p></o:p>
and I had. I told him I wished I had his knoledge - and I did. I told<o:p></o:p>
him that I should love to wander the fields with him - and I have. I<o:p></o:p>
told him I must see him again - and I did.<o:p></o:p>
And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in<o:p></o:p>
reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him<o:p></o:p>
to talk.<o:p></o:p>
What is the secret, the mystery, of a successful business interview?<o:p></o:p>
Well, according to former Harvard president Charles W. Eliot, "There<o:p></o:p>
is no mystery about successful business intercourse. ... Exclusive<o:p></o:p>
attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important.<o:p></o:p>Nothing else is so flattering as that."

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:51:41

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:51:53

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Listening is just as important in one's home life as in the world of<o:p></o:p>
business. Millie Esposito of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, made it her<o:p></o:p>
business to listen carefully when one of her children wanted to speak<o:p></o:p>
with her. One evening she was sitting in the kitchen with her son,<o:p></o:p>
Robert, and after a brief discussion of something that was on his<o:p></o:p>
mind, Robert said: "Mom, I know that you love me very much."<o:p></o:p>
Mrs. Esposito was touched and said: "Of course I love you very<o:p></o:p>
much. Did you doubt it?"<o:p></o:p>
Robert responded: "No, but I really know you love me because<o:p></o:p>
whenever I want to talk to you about something you stop whatever<o:p></o:p>
you are doing and listen to me."<o:p></o:p>
The chronic kicker, even the most violent critic, will frequently soften<o:p></o:p>
and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener - a<o:p></o:p>
listener who will he silent while the irate fault-finder dilates like a<o:p></o:p>
king cobra and spews the poison out of his system. To illustrate: The<o:p></o:p>
New York Telephone Company discovered a few years ago that it<o:p></o:p>
had to deal with one of the most vicious customers who ever cursed<o:p></o:p>
a customer service representative. And he did curse. He raved. He<o:p></o:p>
threatened to tear the phone out by its roots. He refused to pay<o:p></o:p>
certain charges that he declared were false. He wrote letters to the<o:p></o:p>
newspapers. He filed innumerable complaints with the Public Service<o:p></o:p>
Commission, and he started several suits against the telephone<o:p></o:p>
company.<o:p></o:p>
At last, one of the company's most skillful "trouble-shooters" was<o:p></o:p>
sent to interview this stormy petrel. This "troubleshooter" listened<o:p></o:p>
and let the cantankerous customer enjoy himself pouring out his<o:p></o:p>
tirade. The telephone representative listened and said "yes" and<o:p></o:p>
sympathized with his grievance.<o:p></o:p>
"He raved on and I listened for nearlv three hours," the<o:p></o:p>
"troubleshooter" said as he related his experiences before one of the<o:p></o:p>
author's classes. "Then I went back and listened some more. I<o:p></o:p>
interviewed him four times, and before the fourth visit was over I<o:p></o:p>
had become a charter member of an organization he was starting.<o:p></o:p>
He called it the 'Telephone Subscribers' Protective Association.' I am<o:p></o:p>
still a member of this organization, and, so far as I know, I'm the<o:p></o:p>
only member in the world today besides Mr. ----.<o:p></o:p>
"I listened and sympathized with him on every point that he made<o:p></o:p>
during these interviews. He had never had a telephone<o:p></o:p>
representative talk with him that way before, and he became almost<o:p></o:p>
friendly. The point on which I went to see him was not even<o:p></o:p>
mentioned on the first visit, nor was it mentioned on the second or<o:p></o:p>
third, but upon the fourth interview, I closed the case completely, he<o:p></o:p>
paid all his bills in full, and for the first time in the history of his<o:p></o:p>
difficulties with the telephone company he voluntarily withdrew his<o:p></o:p>
complaints from the Public Service Commission."<o:p></o:p>
Doubtless Mr. ----- had considered himself a holy crusader,<o:p></o:p>
defending the public rights against callous exploitation. But in reality,<o:p></o:p>
what he had really wanted was a feeling of importance. He got this<o:p></o:p>
feeling of importance at first by kicking and complaining. But as soon<o:p></o:p>
as he got his feeling of importance from a representative of the<o:p></o:p>
company, his imagined grievances vanished into thin air.<o:p></o:p>
One morning years ago, an angry customer stormed into the office<o:p></o:p>
of Julian F. Detmer, founder of the Detmer Woolen Company, which<o:p></o:p>
later became the world's largest distributor of woolens to the<o:p></o:p>tailoring trade.

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:52:04

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"This man owed us a small sum of money," Mr. Detmer explained to<o:p></o:p>
me. "The customer denied it, but we knew he was wrong. So our<o:p></o:p>
credit department had insisted that he pay. After getting a number of<o:p></o:p>
letters from our credit department, he packed his grip, made a trip to<o:p></o:p>
Chicago, and hurried into my office to inform me not only that he<o:p></o:p>
was not going to pay that bill, but that he was never going to buy<o:p></o:p>
another dollar's worth of goods from the Detmer Woolen Company.<o:p></o:p>
"I listened patiently to all he had to say. I was tempted to interrupt,<o:p></o:p>
but I realized that would be bad policy, So I let him talk himself out.<o:p></o:p>
When he finally simmered down and got in a receptive mood, I said<o:p></o:p>
quietly: 'I want to thank vou for coming to Chicago to tell me about<o:p></o:p>
this. You have done me a great favor, for if our credit department<o:p></o:p>
has annoyed you, it may annoy other good customers, and that<o:p></o:p>
would be just too bad. Believe me, I am far more eager to hear this<o:p></o:p>
than you are to tell it.'<o:p></o:p>
"That was the last thing in the world he expected me to say. I think<o:p></o:p>
he was a trifle disappointed, because he had come to Chicago to tell<o:p></o:p>
me a thing or two, but here I was thanking him instead of scrapping<o:p></o:p>
with him. I assured him we would wipe the charge off the books and<o:p></o:p>
forget it, because he was a very careful man with only one account<o:p></o:p>
to look after, while our clerks had to look after thousands. Therefore,<o:p></o:p>
he was less likely to be wrong than we were.<o:p></o:p>
"I told him that I understood exactly how he felt and that, if I were<o:p></o:p>
in his shoes, I should undoubtedly feel precisely as he did. Since he<o:p></o:p>
wasn't going to buy from us anymore, I recommended some other<o:p></o:p>
woolen houses.<o:p></o:p>
"In the past, we had usually lunched together when he came to<o:p></o:p>
Chicago, so I invited him to have lunch with me this day. He<o:p></o:p>
accepted reluctantly, but when we came back to the office he placed<o:p></o:p>
a larger order than ever before. He returned home in a softened<o:p></o:p>
mood and, wanting to be just as fair with us as we had been with<o:p></o:p>
him, looked over his bills, found one that had been mislaid, and sent<o:p></o:p>
us a check with his apologies.<o:p></o:p>
"Later, when his wife presented him with a baby boy, he gave his<o:p></o:p>
son the middle name of Detmer, and he remained a friend and<o:p></o:p>
customer of the house until his death twenty-two years afterwards."<o:p></o:p>
Years ago, a poor Dutch immigrant boy washed the windows of a<o:p></o:p>
bakery shop after school to help support his family. His people were<o:p></o:p>
so poor that in addition he used to go out in the street with a basket<o:p></o:p>
every day and collect stray bits of coal that had fallen in the gutter<o:p></o:p>
where the coal wagons had delivered fuel. That boy, Edward Bok,<o:p></o:p>
never got more than six years of schooling in his life; yet eventually<o:p></o:p>
he made himself one of the most successful magazine editors in the<o:p></o:p>
history of American journalism. How did he do it? That is a long<o:p></o:p>
story, but how he got his start can be told briefly. He got his start by<o:p></o:p>
using the principles advocated in this chapter.<o:p></o:p>
He left school when he was thirteen and became an office boy for<o:p></o:p>
Western Union, but he didn't for one moment give up the idea of an<o:p></o:p>
education. Instead, he started to educate himself, He saved his<o:p></o:p>
carfares and went without lunch until he had enough money to buy<o:p></o:p>
an encyclopedia of American biography - and then he did an<o:p></o:p>
unheard-of thing. He read the lives of famous people and wrote<o:p></o:p>
them asking for additional information about their childhoods. He<o:p></o:p>
was a good listener. He asked famous people to tell him more about<o:p></o:p>
themselves. He wrote General James A. Garfield, who was then<o:p></o:p>
running for President, and asked if it was true that he was once a<o:p></o:p>
tow boy on a canal; and Garfield replied. He wrote General Grant<o:p></o:p>
asking about a certain battle, and Grant drew a map for him and<o:p></o:p>
invited this fourteen-year old boy to dinner and spent the evening<o:p></o:p>talking to him.

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:52:17

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Soon our Western Union messenger boy was corresponding with<o:p></o:p>
many of the most famous people in the nation: Ralph Waldo<o:p></o:p>
Emerson, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Longfellow, Mrs. Abraham Lincoln,<o:p></o:p>
Louisa May Alcott, General Sherman and Jefferson Davis. Not only<o:p></o:p>
did he correspond with these distinguished people, but as soon as he<o:p></o:p>
got a vacation, he visited many of them as a welcome guest in their<o:p></o:p>
homes. This experience imbued him with a confidence that was<o:p></o:p>
invaluable. These men and women fired him with a vision and<o:p></o:p>
ambition that shaped his life. And all this, let me repeat, was made<o:p></o:p>
possible solely by the application of the principles we are discussing<o:p></o:p>
here.<o:p></o:p>
Isaac F. Marcosson, a journalist who interviewed hundreds of<o:p></o:p>
celebrities, declared that many people fail to make a favorable<o:p></o:p>
impression because they don't listen attentively. "They have been so<o:p></o:p>
much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do<o:p></o:p>
not keep their ears open. ... Very important people have told me that<o:p></o:p>
they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen<o:p></o:p>
seems rarer than almost any other good trait ."<o:p></o:p>
And not only important personages crave a good listener, but<o:p></o:p>
ordinary folk do too. As the Reader's Digest once said: "Many<o:p></o:p>
persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience,"<o:p></o:p>
During the darkest hours of the Civil War, Lincoln wrote to an old<o:p></o:p>
friend in Springfield, Illinois, asking him to come to Washington.<o:p></o:p>
Lincoln said he had some problems he wanted to discuss with him.<o:p></o:p>
The old neighbor called at the White House, and Lincoln talked to<o:p></o:p>
him for hours about the advisability of issuing a proclamation freeing<o:p></o:p>
the slaves. Lincoln went over all the arguments for and against such<o:p></o:p>
a move, and then read letters and newspaper articles, some<o:p></o:p>
denouncing him for not freeing the slaves and others denouncing<o:p></o:p>
him for fear he was going to free them. After talking for hours,<o:p></o:p>
Lincoln shook hands with his old neighbor, said good night, and sent<o:p></o:p>
him back to Illinois without even asking for his opinion. Lincoln had<o:p></o:p>
done all the talking himself. That seemed to clarify his mind. "He<o:p></o:p>
seemed to feel easier after that talk," the old friend said. Lincoln<o:p></o:p>
hadn't wanted advice, He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic<o:p></o:p>
listener to whom he could unburden himself. That's what we all want<o:p></o:p>
when we are in trouble. That is frequently all the irritated customer<o:p></o:p>
wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend.<o:p></o:p>
One of the great listeners of modern times was Sigmund Freud. A<o:p></o:p>
man who met Freud described his manner of listening: "It struck me<o:p></o:p>
so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities which I had<o:p></o:p>
never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated<o:p></o:p>
attention. There was none of that piercing 'soul penetrating gaze'<o:p></o:p>
business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind.<o:p></o:p>
His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his<o:p></o:p>
appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly, was<o:p></o:p>
extraordinary, You've no idea what it meant to be listened to like<o:p></o:p>
that."<o:p></o:p>
If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you<o:p></o:p>
behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never<o:p></o:p>
listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have<o:p></o:p>
an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for him or her to<o:p></o:p>
finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.<o:p></o:p>
Do you know people like that? I do, unfortunately; and the<o:p></o:p>
astonishing part of it is that some of them are prominent.<o:p></o:p>
Bores, that is all they are - bores intoxicated with their own egos,<o:p></o:p>drunk with a sense of their own importance.

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:52:32

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People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. And<o:p></o:p>
"those people who think only of themselves," Dr. Nicholas Murray<o:p></o:p>
Butler, longtime president of Columbia University, said, "are<o:p></o:p>
hopelessly uneducated. They are not educated," said Dr. Butler, "no<o:p></o:p>
matter how instructed they may be."<o:p></o:p>
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive<o:p></o:p>
listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other<o:p></o:p>
persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about<o:p></o:p>
themselves and their accomplishments.<o:p></o:p>
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times<o:p></o:p>
more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than<o:p></o:p>
they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means<o:p></o:p>
more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million<o:p></o:p>
people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than forty<o:p></o:p>
earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a<o:p></o:p>
conversation.<o:p></o:p>
• Principle 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about<o:p></o:p>
themselves.<o:p></o:p>
~~~~~~~<o:p></o:p>
5 - How To Interest People<o:p></o:p>
Everyone who was ever a guest of Theodore Roosevelt was<o:p></o:p>
astonished at the range and diversity of his knowledge. Whether his<o:p></o:p>
visitor was a cowboy or a Rough Rider, a New York politician or a<o:p></o:p>
diplomat, Roosevelt knew what to say. And how was it done? The<o:p></o:p>
answer was simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat<o:p></o:p>
up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew<o:p></o:p>
his guest was particularly interested.<o:p></o:p>
For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a<o:p></o:p>
person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.<o:p></o:p>
The genial William Lyon Phelps, essayist and professor of literature<o:p></o:p>
at Yale, learned this lesson early in life.<o:p></o:p>
"When I was eight years old and was spending a weekend visiting<o:p></o:p>
my Aunt Libby Linsley at her home in Stratford on the Housatonic,"<o:p></o:p>
he wrote in his essay on Human Nature, "a middle-aged man called<o:p></o:p>
one evening, and after a polite skirmish with my aunt, he devoted his<o:p></o:p>
attention to me. At that time, I happened to be excited about boats,<o:p></o:p>
and the visitor discussed the subject in a way that seemed to me<o:p></o:p>
particularly interesting. After he left, I spoke of him with enthusiasm.<o:p></o:p>
What a man! My aunt informed me he was a New York lawyer, that<o:p></o:p>
he cared nothing whatever about boats - that he took not the<o:p></o:p>
slightest interest in the subject. 'But why then did he talk all the time<o:p></o:p>
about boats?'<o:p></o:p>
" 'Because he is a gentleman. He saw you were interested in boats,<o:p></o:p>
and he talked about the things he knew would interest and please<o:p></o:p>
you. He made himself agreeable.' "<o:p></o:p>
And William Lyon Phelps added: "I never forgot my aunt's remark."<o:p></o:p>
As I write this chapter, I have before me a letter from Edward L.<o:p></o:p>
Chalif, who was active in Boy Scout work.<o:p></o:p>
"One day I found I needed a favor," wrote Mr. Chalif. "A big Scout<o:p></o:p>
jamboree was coming off in Europe, and I wanted the president of<o:p></o:p>
one of the largest corporations in America to pay the expenses of<o:p></o:p>
one of my boys for the trip.<o:p></o:p>
"Fortunately, just before I went to see this man, I heard that he had<o:p></o:p>
drawn a check for a million dollars, and that after it was canceled, he<o:p></o:p>had had it framed.

帅哥发表于 2009-1-1 17:52:43

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"So the first thing I did when I entered his office was to ask to see<o:p></o:p>
the check. A check for a million dollars! I told him I never knew that<o:p></o:p>
anybody had ever written such a check, and that I wanted to tell my<o:p></o:p>
boys that I had actually seen a check for a million dollars. He gladly<o:p></o:p>
showed it to me; I admired it and asked him to tell me all about how<o:p></o:p>
it happened to be drawn."<o:p></o:p>
You notice, don't you, that Mr. Chalif didn't begin by talking about<o:p></o:p>
the Boy Scouts, or the jamboree in Europe, or what it was he<o:p></o:p>
wanted? He talked in terms of what interested the other man. Here's<o:p></o:p>
the result:<o:p></o:p>
"Presently, the man I was interviewing said: 'Oh, by the way, what<o:p></o:p>
was it you wanted to see me about?' So I told him.<o:p></o:p>
"To my vast surprise," Mr. Chalif continues, "he not only granted<o:p></o:p>
immediately what I asked for, but much more. I had asked him to<o:p></o:p>
send only one boy to Europe, but he sent five boys and myself, gave<o:p></o:p>
me a letter of credit for a thousand dollars and told us to stay in<o:p></o:p>
Europe for seven weeks. He also gave me letters of introduction to<o:p></o:p>
his branch presidents, putting them at our service, and he himself<o:p></o:p>
met us in Paris and showed us the town.<o:p></o:p>
Since then, he has given jobs to some of the boys whose parents<o:p></o:p>
were in want, and he is still active in our group.<o:p></o:p>
"Yet I know if I hadn't found out what he was interested in, and got<o:p></o:p>
him warmed up first, I wouldn't have found him one-tenth as easy to<o:p></o:p>
approach."<o:p></o:p>
Is this a valuable technique to use in business? Is it? Let's see, Take<o:p></o:p>
Henry G. Duvernoy of Duvemoy and Sons, a wholesale baking firm in<o:p></o:p>
New York.<o:p></o:p>
Mr. Duvernoy had been trying to sell bread to a certain New York<o:p></o:p>
hotel. He had called on the manager every week for four years. He<o:p></o:p>
went to the same social affairs the manager attended. He even took<o:p></o:p>
rooms in the hotel and lived there in order to get the business. But<o:p></o:p>
he failed.<o:p></o:p>
"Then," said Mr. Duvernoy, "after studying human relations, I<o:p></o:p>
resolved to change my tactics. I decided to find out what interested<o:p></o:p>
this man - what caught his enthusiasm.<o:p></o:p>
"I discovered he belonged to a society of hotel executives called the<o:p></o:p>
Hotel Greeters of America. He not only belonged, but his bubbling<o:p></o:p>
enthusiasm had made him president of the organization, and<o:p></o:p>
president of the International Greeters. No matter where its<o:p></o:p>
conventions were held, he would be there.<o:p></o:p>
"So when I saw him the next day, I began talking about the<o:p></o:p>
Greeters. What a response I got. What a response! He talked to me<o:p></o:p>
for half an hour about the Greeters, his tones vibrant with<o:p></o:p>
enthusiasm. I could plainly see that this society was not only his<o:p></o:p>
hobby, it was the passion of his life. Before I left his office, he had<o:p></o:p>
'sold' me a membership in his organization.<o:p></o:p>
"In the meantime, I had said nothing about bread. But a few days<o:p></o:p>
later, the steward of his hotel phoned me to come over with samples<o:p></o:p>
and prices.<o:p></o:p>
" 'I don't know what you did to the old boy,' the steward greeted me,<o:p></o:p>
'but he sure is sold on you!'<o:p></o:p>
"Think of it! I had been drumming at that man for four years - trying<o:p></o:p>
to get his business - and I'd still be drumming at him if I hadn't<o:p></o:p>
finally taken the trouble to find out what he was interested in, and<o:p></o:p>what he enjoyed talking about."

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